Under the Surface

Chapter 8 | Temptations

Genevieve

Dear me, my whole life I have felt alone and haven't been very open to sharing about it to many people. Even when I've tried it's never exactly went the way I intended. There's been times where I felt so nauseated to the point there was a pit in my stomach causing me not to eat not only with the fear within me but the sorrow too. Pit in my heart and even my soul and most of the time felt that my body was never my own. Just somebody who is permitted to live inside this body and then again I feel I know nobody. Just a girl in Gods temple waiting to go home; sometimes I even wonder if the Kingdom of Heaven I could inherit as my own.

My mom used to always bring me to church and for my upbringing I was Catholic on my Dads side. With my Moms side, it was always being a Christian. I used to go to Youth Group with some of my cousins and I felt God was in my heart those days. I would cry at the beautiful songs they sang and I desired to be close to God and the Son of Man, Jesus Christ. And although during those times I felt lonely; Jesus filled a part of me that no other could repair.

I wish and urn for the days I would cry; sometimes I feel like I no longer have any emotions at all and other days I wish it would stop so I felt at peace. Spiritual attacks are very real and although I wish I didn't experience them; every Christian does. And the closer you become to God the more the Devil will throw at you; but that means you're doing something right.

 Sometimes I wish I could go back in time just to see my mom again, not only for the memories; but who she was as a person. She made me happy and she always knew what to do even in the darkest times.

I always would tell her we should go to church again and she built up my faith and I built hers; we were one. Like Father like Son, Holy Spirit in one; that's what we were, one in each other. And although I am not God, nor the Holy Spirit having God in my life makes everything that much better. He takes away my pain and gives me fulfillment that no other can bring. If a relationship is not through God, it is not from him.

In Sunday School I learned that Halloween was for the devil and that it was his holiday.  I was brought up to believe that Halloween was the devils birthday and where numerous people not only try to drug children; but even put stuff inside the candy at times; which sounded normal for some but for others was horrid. A holiday where the demons would be set free; constantly worried about Witches and Warlocks. Coincidentally I became one at one point; but that's a story for another time.

My Mom would take me trick-or-treating because she knew it made me happy, we'd fill up buckets and buckets of candy up and she'd always ensure she checked the candy before it was edible to anybody. She cared and may I add more than most. She even would put the candy at the top shelf of her closet along with any snacks; all so I wouldn't have a stomach ache. She monitored my intake and although it was unfair at the time; I appreciate it now, now that she's gone.

I'd have nightmares of the worst scenarios and I always felt as if they were real and they came to haunt me in real life, as I always felt like someone was there. Even in the absence of my presence; I felt like I was never alone.  I'd constantly be running away from my life and the problems that followed me.

Even watching scary movies I'd always have demonic attacks in my slumber feeling like it was real all over again. Then I spiritually awakened by using crystals and tarot cards; which was one of my biggest sins. I awakened as a witch and I was walking in the devils way. I knew I didn't want to do witchcraft; but little did I know I was. 

During this time I would constantly be tested by my spirit guides and I always felt evil around me. I'd call upon spirits of love, of light; when in reality the only spirit I should've called upon was The Lord Almighty God, Jesus Christ. He is the Sheppard and we are his sheep, thank you Jesus for this day and this beautiful life you have given us.

Until Next time...

A/N: Guen gets a little more into her life and past on how she feels.