Bittersweet | ✔️

Fifty-Two

"No..." I whisper out. I push him away. "Out of all the girls you've been with in your life, why would I believe I wasn't just another one of them?"

"You're the only girl I've ever sired," Dusk replied. I open my mouth to protest, but I can't think of any others, and I try really hard to contradict him. Rarely do vampires transform humans into fellow vampires. They don't want the competition for blood, and since vampires live a long time, they have to be decisive about who they want to be with them for eternity with them. Personally, I've never sired someone. I haven't found any human I liked that much until now, and I doubt Zane could even become a vampire if he wanted to. "You're the only one I wanted enough. I really did. But then I messed that up."

"Dusk..." I blink. Maybe he is telling the truth, but I still can't imagine it. "Are suggesting that we...that we...I can't even say it!" I fall to the sofa and bury my face in my hands. I've had too much today. I wish everything would stop.

"Suggesting we get back together, you mean?" This is what I meant, but the thought was just too powerful to say personally. I nod slightly but don't look at him. "No, I'm not saying that. I don't think it would work out, you know, with you despising me and all. Girls are so much easier to sleep with now. I don't even have to try to get them into bed. I don't know how I'd be able to give that up now if I couldn't give it up back then."

Well, that was certainly the truth. Honesty is better than nothing, even if his honesty is just underlining what a pig he is.

"But you can't entertain this idea that you have, that Vandora could love you in return," Dusk says as my heart turns colder. "He's been trained all his life to kill us. That's all he's ever known, and it would be impossible to undo that now. He hates vampires; it's in his blood. He can't change that. You can't change that. You can't possibly think a teenage fling could erase that, could you?"

Hot tears slide down my cheek again. I admit it—deep down in the pit of me where common sense no longer dwells, I thought maybe Zane could love me more than he loved his destiny. It couldn't possibly be true, but maybe if I wanted it enough it suddenly would be. God, I'm so stupid. I entertained the thought that it was possible despite the overwhelming odds. But he can't deny his destiny more than I can deny mine. Neither of us can change. It doesn't matter how much we care for each other. We can't change the basic thing that has divided us all along.

"I guess you're right," I manage to say finally, but it sounds washed out with tears.

"You know I'm right," he says softly. I can't look at him.

"What I loved about you when you were still human changed." Dusk pauses as I force myself to look up at him. "You were so beautiful when you were happy. I mean, you're still beautiful but you really glowed, like I could feel your happiness from across the room because it was so much. You were so perfect, and you didn't even realize it. Then I ruined that when you found I was cheating. And you became really beautiful like that again, with your love for the hunter."

His voice is racked with hatred and pity. "The others couldn't tell, but I knew that you were in love again because I had seen it once. I hated seeing what I did to you, and it was like you were finally happy again. Now you'll have to go through that same pain because this relationship is more doomed than ours was."

It's true. So what if it's true? I guess I hate to face it, even when it's blaring in my face so loud that I can't avoid it any more. My relationship with Zane was doomed from the start, and I knew it the whole time. Maybe I like a little risk. I never intended for it to get so serious. I never intended to love him. But things change, and I did fall in love.

"Even if I can't be with Zane, I still have to try to protect him," I say wearily. I wrap my arms around my legs. "I still love him."

To my surprise, Dusk laughs. I almost thought he was acting somewhat decent there for a minute, but my suspicions arise again. "Why?" He laughs again, but apparently I'm not in on the joke. Maybe I am the joke. "You're going to end up getting yourself killed with an attitude like that, and you make it sound like you worship the guy when he's no saint." I almost interrupt him. "You're not even the only girl he's seeing."

"What!" I climb to my feet and stare him straight in the eye. He was treading in dangerous water. "What did you say?"

Dusk takes a step backwards, perhaps to distance himself from my rage. I step forward to be more in his face after an accusation like that. "I've seen him, okay? The guy's hunting me, and I hunt him back. He's lucky I haven't killed him yet. I was waiting for the right chance. I keep my eyes on him, waiting to see weakness. Usually he has some this brunette on his arm."

"Frost?" I ask, and then realize he doesn't know who Frost is. I suddenly feel a wave of relief. I touch his arm to keep my balance, as my knees suddenly feel weak. "Oh! You must be talking about Frost. Of course he was with Frost. That makes sense. They've been friends forever."

Dusk raises an eyebrow. "I really don't think friends kiss the way they do."

"You're lying!" I shout out. I have no idea why he'd lie, what it would gain him, but I know what would happen to me if it were true. Zane couldn't do that to me. I've never had a reason to believe Zane would lie and hurt me like that. I have plenty of reasons to think Dusk would lie.

"I'm sorry, Venus. I'm sorry, but you have to believe me. He's definitely involved this other girl." He slowly, carefully, puts his arms around me in comfort, or at least I choose to take it that way. I lean my teary eyes against the soft cotton of his shirt, not able to dry them before I started to cry again. I've broken down, and I don't know how I'll fix myself back up this time.

I think about how he hardly ever calls me by my name, and how he likes to use pet names for all the girls he knows when he's in a kidding mood. But maybe he's wrong. No, he has to be wrong. I want him to be wrong more than anything else right now. He didn't see Zane with Frost. I don't know what I would do it that was true.

"Why didn't you tell me this before?" I demand.

"How was I supposed to know you were dating him?" Valid point. He leans his head on top of mine and pushes a strand of hair behind my ears. "Actually, though, I had my suspicions, even if the idea was so insane. Just the idea of a vampire with a vampire hunter. I hoped I wasn't right."

"What?"

"I kept trying to warn you. I told you to be careful and stay away from him. Partly so you didn't get killed, partly because I thought you were involved with him. I don't think the others suspected. I never told them what might be going on. I never wanted them to suspect you."

"Oh God," I whisper.

"But when I first went to your school and saw you with him when you were unaware of who he was, I could tell how much you cared for him then even though you didn't know him. Whenever someone threatened to kill him, you stood up and said no even when you couldn't come up with a decent argument. I could make the connection. When Crow got suspicious, I told him you were still human in your emotions, and that you had no personal feelings in the matter. It took him a while to buy that one, and it's hard to tell if he ever did."

I scowl. That's great. That's just great.

I stare out vacantly. "I've made a mess of everything."

"Ruth..." he says quietly. "It's going to be okay."

At first I don't even realize he's talking to me until my real name sinks in. I catch his long face, remembering he's the only person alive who knew me as Ruth, but I haven't been called that since I killed my parents. It's almost conforming, to hear my real name, but it brings back the real me under this vampire. I don't want to think about that right now. I don't want to think about anything.

"Adam," I say. His name feels strange to say. I wish I could turn back time. I've messed my life up so badly. I wish I could just start it all over again.

We stand in silence for a while, but I don't really pay attention to how long. I feel cold and sad and sorry all at once, and I don't know what I can do to climb out of this hole I've dug, so I just blank out. I feel almost safe in my moment of blankness, and I want to stay in it as long as I can.

A hard thump against the door startles me, and I jump back. I fall out of my temporary state of comfort back to reality. At first I think someone is knocking on the door, but then it becomes apparent someone is actually trying to break the door down.

"Move back," Dusk whispers as he stands in front of me as a barrier, but he doesn't attempt to open the already damaged door. I don't move. What sort of shitty end could fit this evening? And I thought things couldn't get worse.

The door smashes open. I recognize who it is immediately.

"Zane," I breathe out.