Why I Can't Feel Loved

Warning Once again this story has Sad happenings and anxiety & Depression

Let just say that her name was Ria Santos
Ria was born as second child in her family when she was born to the world, everyone at the family adores her

As soon as she became 2 years old her parents keep making her laugh,smile. They also takes video of her dancing

When she was growing up, she totally understood that her parents can't have time for her because of her mother getting pregnant

TIME SKIP

She was still sunshines even though her parents having little time for her to spend on but she still didn't give up for their attention

Having conversations is the only thing she can do right now

Mom: Hays, Why your so cute my Ria
Ria: Ofcourse momma i always cute (Hahaha, i remember to be cute that time…..)
Ria: Momma i have a question… * with her confusing face*
Mom: Okay my ria go ahead
Ria: Momma… is getting pregnant super scary
Mom: Ofcourse Honey but every mommy would really be happy to see her baby born, That's why your mommy is happy having baby again
Ria: Oh.. It's that so momma

Ria wasn't happy how her mommy suffer everyday because of her tummy's hurt, Yeah Ria was really softhearted that time

TIME SKIP
AFTER 9 MONTHS AGO

The day Ria's sister was born, and the day she begins to get lonely by little……

Ria: so sad I can't even meet momma and daddy's is not home yet *Sulking face*
She do miss her mommy right there.
Grandma: It's okay ria your mom will get home later, just wait since your newborn sister have to be healthy.
Xyran: That's right sister, Lets just play so you won't get bored!

Thats the excited feelings Ria felt during
That time but how does she feel in her current situation?

TIME SKIP
LATER..

Mom: We're here, Ria and Xyran
Grandma: Oh your here.
Mom: Where's the kids Mom?
Grandma: they're playing

Ria: Momma & Dadda *Excited Face*
Xyran: What's inside the paper bag dad?
Dad: You'll know

She's happy cause her parents and her sister
Came back home
And her parent's gift that made her happy…

Ria's Pov

Wait dadda and momma really get me a barbie doll! Im so happy…

Ria: Thank you so…Much dadda and momma
Xyran: Thank you Dad and mom
Dad&Mom: Welcome my baby's

That happy life continue but it actually doesn't last…..

Time skip

Ria has already grown, Now she's 7 years old, She goes to school now both of her parents were so happy that shes so grown up now while crying Ria notice it and felt bad…

Ria: Momma stop crying, i will cry also
Mom: Alright momma will not cry if you do good at school
Ria: Im always good mommy

Ria got home with her brother xyran she was happy because her teacher compliment her how good she was

Ria: Momma My teacher said i was good and pretty ( I got really happy since that was the first compliment i got from school)

Mom: It that true xyran?
Xyran: Yes mom The teacher told me that she was good
Mom: Oh Thats good then
Ria: Wheres alya momma? i want to play with her

About Ria's Dad he doesn't Come Home Everyday, Once A week Yes but It also last A year before he gets home
Continuation of conversation

Mom: Alya is in her room honey..

Sometimes We get Lonely since Dad Can't go home everyday but we could use to it……

Time Skip

We're already 7 Members in the family, Actually….Not really 7 Members Since My "Big sister" My unborn Older sister is dead in Mommy's tummy……That's how it ends to be second child now

Thats the story that my mother told me
You know I really wish to have a big sister cause i really hates responsibilities in this family

Its already Quarantine due to Covid 19 since then i became more cold towards my family and to another people, That time I only priority My studying

No Affection had effects on me I don't know why but i dunno decide not to care about, even talking about my condition to my parents, Im scared of what they said….

Well I'm not happy anymore with my attitude…
I wasn't happy at all, I feel lonely I dont want this…..I don't

Many years Has passed

My condition still continue to get worse and worse, I cried Every night without telling my parents about it

But The day i got honors Yeah, Many kids is happy that they get the honors title but Me?... not at all my parents change… they compare me to another kids now, they didn't care about my honors

My only safe place is creating videos and story about fictions but i stop it… I'm losing my strength in study due to that my parents keep yelling at me about my grades…. Yeah they don't understand since They don't know what feelings I get every single day…..

I didn't know that i have anxiety already that time but it get worse when my beloved grandma died

Ria Didn't Eat all day She keeps Lying That she did eat everyday but she continues to let herself suffer, Ria felt Nothing anymore

Yes… Her condition is bad but why she didn't get therapy for it?

Well let just say that she doesn't want to make people notice her

Time skip

Ria was in 3rd year high school, Her condition keep on continually Made her suffer….She wants to make good expression to another people now even though it's not her personality…. She keep lying about being happy till her last day at school and now she's free at hiding her true identity but her feeling unloved continue everyday her mother and father still keep comparing her and her brother?

He changed, He changes to a person who doesn't care about her lovely sister "Ria"

She hides her feelings, She cried every night How her family change to people she doesn't know, She misses her old self and her old family that adores her so much

She misses all affection she had and her sunshines Smile that can make you happy seeing her….

And now she's completely drained she's tired but still continue to stay strong and fight and let that depression go…

She became her friends comforter even She feels the same as them being sad now, her mind's thinking  is all about dying

By little She was feeling tired of living, Ria understand that if she commit that she will never go to heaven to see her beloved grandma but She says

Ria: HOW WOULD I LET GO OF THIS EVEN MY MEDICINES IS NOT WORKING I CAN'T FEEL LOVED ANYMORE I CAN'T FEEL ANY AFFECTION….. Im tired  She's crying all night thinking of what will she do…..

The end.

This story lesson are
"Keep trying to tell someone that you want to feel what you want and For the parents Stop comparing or hurting your childrens feeling it can affect their Mental health and Emotions that can lead them to suffer and anxiety &Depression"