My Beautiful Nightmare - Tom Kaulitz

Struggles

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"Jolie!!" My roommate called "You've been on your laptop for hours!" That's it! My everyday life living with my roommate I hate so much. I can't tell why I hate her but she at least hate me for a reason which is my ability to get easily attracted to people especially her friends. C'mon, it's not my fault I need money and her boyfriends decided to help me out without getting into my pants. Well, it wasn't as if she needed them when she gets lots of dicks everyday. Annie was an American deepshit, or rather, pussy. She dates anyone dateable, change them like diapers, and still have a break up intercourse with them! Like who does that? Worst, she would get mad at me if she sees me talking to anyone if them after their break up. Aside that, she is a sweet girl, in her early 20's. Since she doesn't do any other job aside fucking around
and still pay her bills on time, I think I like her. Beside, we all can't be saints, even me, I wasn't all a saint.

When I was fifteen, I was so curious about sex that I forced my best friend, Katie to use a sex toy on me. Funny enough, Katie wasn't having any so we made ourselves cum with scented oil and our fingers. We were too scared to put in deep, to look for anything that would satisfy us. Till now, I wonder why I haven't tried to get an actual man or a freaking toy to do it myself. I am 21, I need it, I want it, I should even be able to call a dick just like Annie but....I am such a coward. Watching the girl walk pass me in her skimpy club dress, I rolled my eyes. She is always at it, going to club all the time and having the best night if her life when I stay home, watch serial killers documentary and study for my third semester trimester exam. My daily routine would always be to get to class, study and work at the coffee shop. I won't want to talk
about my modelling career because I can't afford the basis. Studying Psychology haven't been easier than having to do it yourself. Having a very annoying rich young woman that needs help psychologically, taking care of an elderly people who does nothing but cuss at you all day and watch a young man tells you while he feels like he should have you by all
means.

No party! No boys and unprotected sex!! No one to even cry about!!! Always go to school, eat, work, work, learn, eat, and sleep! Sometimes I feel like my life is been planned or I am been stuck in a matrix loop. Such a boring life! "Alright Jo, shut the door
because I won't be back this this night". Pffffff. I have always tell her not to call me Jo but she wouldn't
listen. It should be Jolie and nothing else. "It's JOLIE!" I half yelled without
looking at her "And have fun" I muttered with a fake smile on my face when I finally got the courage to look away from my laptop. I could see how desperate she was trying not to roll her eyes as she smiled back with a frown on her face. We both know it's fake. We both know we never liked each other. In fact, we both know we
have to talk to each other because
she see each other every day unless Annie decides to spend another night on a dick. As expected, my roommate
grinned, twisted the handle and paused for a few seconds.

"Have fun being alone" she smirked. That's it. Always the last thing Annie tells me before leaving the house. For Pete's sake, its 11 pm, I don't see why she would want to be out when I am about to sleep. Moreover, I am not related to her. The fact that she slept with the caretaker so she won't pay for water when she have to didn't make me happy at all. I know I cannot have sex with the man but, he could at least be fair and still ask her to pay something. Unlike my turn, he would yell the heck out of me as if I was born to pay the rent alone. I have to pay for college, my rent with other stuffs and my mother's diabetes treatment. Since we are living in our house, the next I did was pay for amendment and maintenance. Fuck! It's going to be a long night and as usual I must take it.
Beep! Beep!! Beep!! "Time to sleep" I muttered as I stopped the alarm on my watch. My doctor told me to make sure I sleep then no matter what I am
doing.

Rolling my eyes as stood up, I walked to the door to lock it. I used the opportunity to look around as if I haven't seen it before and each time I do that, I feel a little satisfied. The apartment isn't the finest but it's something, at least my side. We share the bathroom, kitchen, and room. It's a small apartment that includes all the places I just mentioned. The moment I went back to bed and tucked myself in, my phone beeped.
I looked at it and realized that I had missed a call few hours ago and before I could think of calling back, the phone vibrated. "Marie!" I pretend to sound excited "I was bout calling you and....." "Spare me that, Jolie!" Marie snapped "I don't decide to take
care of your mother for you to abandon us. I am trying my best and we neeeeed money" Although I was pissed, I just smiled as if she could see my face. The way I bit my lips to stop me from saying my mind made me cry. For crying out loud, I have been trying my best! "You know this is a half scholarship, Marie" I tried to be as calm as possible " I have to pay for other things and I haven't even paid for water and electricity here"

It was as if she was waiting for me to finish talking as she hissed. "I don't care, Jolie. Your mother has given me lot of problem already and you are adding" Tears freely flow down my face as I tried to smile. If Marie had not kicked my mom out the house when she didn't get married at 25, she wont have gotten into such mess and the wrong mad that only beat her up
and kicked her out while pregnant. "Marie I...." "Your mother and I need money and you only send change once a every month would only have her back in the street." Marie didn't even give me a chance to speak before she ended the call. Wow!

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