-South Park Headcanons-

What am I doing with my life.

The title says it all.

Now for ✨headcanons✨

(idk, I guess that's the word for it)

Let's just start with the Main 4.

Stan Marsh:

- Average height, 5'7 - 5'8

- Will always be Kyle's Super Best Friend

- He's bisexual, leans towards women.

- He has eyes that are a mix between cerulean and Weezer blue.

- His father taught him how to roll joints, so he uses this skill as something to 'pick up chicks' and 'help him get a little love'. It fails miserably every time.

- Stan definitely sucks at jokes. Every kind. He will always get an awkward laugh from Kyle and complete silence from everyone else.

- He really cares about things like the state of the world, saving whales, whose running the country, etc.

- He tried to learn guitar, as in he really wanted to know how; but he tried to play for Kyle one day and made his fingers bleed. He cried. Kyle had to patch his hands and they later laughed at Stan's reaction. After that, he gave up.

- Stan is really, really close with his mother, and she is usually first to hear about things he can't tell Kyle. 

- He still likes the goth lifestyle, but his music taste is definitely emo. Not a specific type of emo though, like a mix of bands from different eras.

Kyle Broflovski:

- Quite tall, I'd say about 5'10 - 5'11.

- He's Demi-sexual, but still also falls under the gay category.

- He has green eyes. Very green eyes.

- Stan's Super Best Friend.

- He may be Jewish, but he's not on a kosher diet.

- Kyle once went 'jersey mode' on his mother, and called her a 'trashy, grenade-looking whore'. That did not end well for him. 

- His hair is like a red beacon of light, once you see it, you will never be able to un-see it.

- He always has a hard time letting others cut his hair because usually they just give up halfway through and give him a military cut. He then proceeds to shove his hat on and curse at the barber. They never ask before they cut it all off.

Eric Cartman:

- Cartman will always be a maniac.  He will never get better, he will never get worse.

- He has brown / blue heterochromia, one eye is Kenny's (watch the episode where he goes to the eye doctor, its a good episode. I think it's called The Succubus)

- About 5'5 - 5'6. Always gets called short. He may get called short, but he isn't too short.

- Really likes kicking people for some reason. He won't punch, just kick.

- As he aged, he gained more weight. Now the disgusting butterball turkey looks like a putrid pig ballsack, but bigger. 

- His jacket is the same colour as the wax things on the babybell cheese. (Someone please know what I'm talking about)

Kenny McCormick:

- He's the type to say '$20 is $20'

- Definite partier, he loves making a show of himself.

- He's got a job at Jimbo's guns, but he's still hella poor. 

- Deep blue eyes

- Eternal pervert, he'll stick his dick in anything. He has stolen every issue of Playboy (since 1992) from his father.

- He's also pansexual

- Kenny will always be close with his younger sister, Karen. His older brother, however, will end up just like his father.

- Pet possum, it lives in the washing machine behind his house. He got bit once, and died of blood loss. (It ripped a chunk out of his neck).

- He smokes with Craig behind the school. 

- He is close with Butters, and whenever Butters has an issue with his parents, Kenny will sneak him out so they can camp in the woods together. At first, Butters was scared, but Kenny helped him get over his fear. Nobody else in South Park knows about this.

....

If I come up with any more I'll add it in a new chapter!

Feel free to add your own headcanons in the comments :3