Me, Myself, and I

adopted

See, isn't this a lot more fun? Things made a lot more sense at this point. No hospitals, no blood, no letters. Well, not exactly, anyway. In theory, this was just a stubborn girlfriend and a classic scenario: stupid secrets and temperament that meant nothing in the end.

"So?"

Alex's arms tensed on the steering wheel. I'd spoken the words only a few seconds ago, but time was rigid in that car. Adopted. So? No secrets. No lists. Promise. Alex. Who was Alex? Those images, the red-headed twins on the walls, the little sweater-vested Alex standing beside two people he looked nothing like, pictures that told me when I stared into his eyes I was looking at a stranger, worse than a stranger...someone who didn't seem to want to become familiar. So what? Why did he have to tell me anything about where he came from, who he was? Actually...

"So why didn't you say anything?" I said.

He frowned. "I don't see why it matters."

Him stepping into the same house as me, smiles toward my grandparents at that family dinner, road trips and walks in the park and concerts, here in Delcoph in an endless loop.

I sighed, unclenching my lip from my teeth. "I told you everything right from the beginning. All the baggage. We agreed. For you to just blow off something this important like it's nothing and keep it from me—"

"Hey." Both of his hands on mine, like teacups. He stared at me a moment, sewing words together. "This isn't baggage. I've told you everything that matters."

"But—"

"What does it matter where I came from as long as you know who I am now?"

"That's just it, Alex! I don't know you. You're just...the nice guy who heard me out when I needed you and stuck around after that. But now we're adults. We've graduated and you decided on a whim to stay here because of me and...I don't know a thing about you!"

Heart rate. I checked my pulse, let my ribs rise with each breath. Down. Down.

"Julia, you're being ridiculous." I stared at him. Suddenly, his fingers on my lips. "I told you. I didn't stay here because of you. I stayed here because I like it here."

"I know. I know that. But—"

"Just relax for like two seconds. I've never lied to you." He sighed. "What do you need to know so badly?"

Red curly hair poking out of that photograph. He'd seen me looking at the thing. I knew he knew. He knew I knew. But he would make me say it anyway. Because this was how he avoided a topic. It had worked in high school chemistry. It wouldn't work on me.

"Who were the two boys, the ones in that photo?" When he hesitated, I reached for the car door. His hand on mine, my fingers pushing out. "I looked like an idiot tonight! I had no idea what I could or couldn't say and instead I'm surrounded by all of these pictures and pennants and...and—"

"You could've asked at dinner. Not everyone is as...I mean, most people don't react that strong."

"How come you wanted to leave so soon, then?" I said. He frowned. "Don't put this on me. You saw what I was looking at. You didn't want me to ask about it."

City sounds, an ambulance. Thick air filled with incoherent words telling me to run before I sunk. I watched the car clock, spun my bracelet, filled my head with anything but thoughts. Thoughts...human sounds, screaming, or silence. Frowns, smiles. Alex's parents. Their smiles were so large. Seemed glued on. Alex never did that. Always real, that's what he was, that's what he was supposed to be. Real.

Silence. Breath. His hand on mine. "If I tell you about that photograph, can we move on? Please?"

I stayed frozen.