Asta of the six leaf clover (written by: Marvelmyst and Soumy42)

Chapter 44

Asta/Grey’s P.O.V

Streaks of light shone through the cracks, an orange glow illuminated the space as a warm glow covered us. It felt like a long time had passed since last night. Maybe I enjoyed it, though I won’t admit to it if asked. I stretched as I looked around, I woke up before the Staria royal, guess I'll let him sleep in after carrying me yesterday.

Folding the blanket and putting it aside, I head towards a corner in the tree. I sit down before it and wonder. Is it time to move on? I picked up the pendant that Sister Lily said came with me, before she had changed. I always had a feeling that even if they didn’t outwardly hate me, they’d still have doubts. A sigh and a moment of silence follow. I put back the pendant together in the basket with the blanket in which my name is embroidered. Who were my parents? How would they feel knowing I’ve grown up to be so…so...
I, myself, do not even know what I've become. I'm mostly apathetic. I can't seem to be angry at the people from Hage anymore. I haven't forgiven them, but they make me feel nothing. I do truly care for the people around me as they’ve helped me to be the best possible version of myself, but sometimes I wonder. What if Pops and Dad didn’t treat me kindly? Do they truly care about me or only about what I could do if I went berserk? Is that why my parents sent me away? Were they afraid of me as well? Did I... hurt them? Even the thought of that makes me nauseous. I remember when I was younger, nothing fit together. My insides were at war with each other. It felt as if my soul was being ripped apart.

It hurts...

It still hurts, but who am I to voice my qualms? I am the captain of the Grey Hounds, son of the Wizard King. I should be an example, I must be! Or how else could I prove my usefulness?

I do believe everyone cares about me, but I fear that they will fear me. I fear myself and what I might do. I fear my inability to act or to be. I always try to act as positive and confident as possible around them and I truly feel like that, but in the back of my mind, I just can’t shake this dreadful feeling. I want to confide in the people I love, but I don't want to burden them. I don't want to be a burden anymore, just like I was in Hage. I finally acquired a family and I won't let my feelings make me lose them.

I stand up and walk towards the Staria. He still seems to be enjoying his sleep so I let him rest a bit more. I gather together all of his stuff and some things I’ll take with me, including the pendant. I put it on under my shirt and proceeded to get ready for the walk back.

Again, I head towards the Staria, this time going down to his level. I sigh and ready a teleportation spell. Hopefully he doesn’t get any side effects from this. In a flash, we leave the tree and arrive back at the castle. From my side I hear a horrid sound and feel a gust of air run past me.

Guess he did have side effects. Oops. Heading in, getting greeted by the workers as I went towards father’s office. I get announced and enter.

“I apologize I couldn’t attend the meeting yesterday, I was quite exhausted after splitting up into the current me and Asta.”

“That is fine, Kento attended in your stead so he can fill you in on what you missed.” He quirked up an eyebrow, eyes filled with concern and worries. “Though I am quite worried about your absence, it isn’t like you to miss anything important or be exhausted by mana depletion. If you want, you can take a break or at least talk with me.”

That's really nice of him. I'm really glad he's so compassionate.

“It’s nothing to worry about. It can happen once in a while and I’ve exaggerated this time.” I turn away and head towards the door.

“Please don’t compromise yourself for the sake of others. You're still growing and I just want you to know that I'm here for you; not as your leader, but as your father.”

“I know.” And with that, I walk out of the door.

Was I too cold? I'm sure he was worried about me and I just left like that, what a horrible son I am. I just feel so unfulfilled as of late; I can’t be cheery or joyful anymore without feeling this gnawing inside me. I just feel stuck. Everyone loved the personality I had when I was 4, 8 and 12. Always happy with a big stupid grin and I feel stuck having to be that way all the time, because why would they care for me otherwise? I can’t seem to escape this personality and I hate it, I just can’t develop what it feels like to. Would people still care if I wasn’t their happy-go-lucky musclehead?

Outside, I decide to head towards the base. I should go quickly as Kento had to catch me up on current affairs especially in such a turbulent time. Dispelling the cloning spell on my way there, I am hit with Asta's memories from yesterday. It seems like the other me at least had a bit more of an enjoyable time. I should probably retread that conversation again, it was quite interesting to learn about Staria's magic system.

Once at the base I try to avoid my members for the most part and walk into Kento's office.

"Welcome back, you've been gone for a good while. How was your impromptu vacation?" he says while looking down at paper work.

"I am not particularly in the mood to joke around. Could you just give me a debrief of yesterday's meeting then I'll go on and continue the work so that you can take a break? "

"Well, okay then captain." he sounds a bit concerned when he says that but continues. "Yesterday we discussed the attack by the Eye of the Midnight Sun, reparations of the capital, what to do with the prisoners and a counter-attack against the terrorrists, with which the Starias have offered to help. In these papers there's a more detailed report of everything we discussed, you can read it through and see what we thought about it."

Time to get back to work. And maybe get myself together.

When reading through the report, it seemed that they had already interrogated the people we caught and discovered that they were on the hunt for magic stones. They collided together with the captain of the Purple Orcas and stole Fuegoleon's necklace during the attack. Though they didn't even know what they were collecting them for, they were determined to get them all. There are no exterior characteristics to a magic stone, but it seems that we've already acquired one when we went on that mission to Magna's village. Why they did not take both stones admits the pandemonium they had created still puzzles me, but according to the description of their personalities it looks like one unorganised bunch.

There wasn't a clear action plan, but they did hint towards their next place of attack on the condition that Asta meet up with one of them. Some girl with glasses possessing gel magic. I sigh, guess I'll go, hope she is agreeable.

The next morning, I head out. Without any disguises, my grey hair flickered in the sun as the wind blew past me. Sally was the name of the prisoner, possessing gel magic, and quite the science fanatic as stated in the report. Marx guides me towards her cell and then leaves, reminding me that if something happens, I should immediately alarm him.

"Well, I'm here. Now what do you want to say?"

"Ooh! You're so tiny, I just wanna experiment on you! Do you agree? We could make so many groundbreaking discoveries! Please! Please, if you agree I'll tell you something, I promise!"

Goddammit, she’s a nutcase.

"Why don't you tell me what I want to know first?"