The Story of My Life :P

Monologue Mayhem

Alrighteo! Here I am again, retelling a story about something memorable in my life.

I was trying to memorize a monologue from some play for an audition. It was written in iambic pentameter rather than prose (that means it was written so that every other syllable was stressed) so it was easier to memorize, but it was three whole pages. Every chance I got, I ran through the lines in my head, trying to make it come out right. 

The day of the audition, I was practicing at break. I was standing a good fifteen yards from my usual group of theatre freaks---ahem; I mean, theatre FRIENDS, so that I wouldn't disturb them but could still be near them. I was having a serious panic attack trying to get the whole thing memorized and exactly the way I wanted it to be. On the occasion, a friend would walk over and ask me what I was doing. I would usually ignore them and continue with my monologue, because that's just what you're supposed to do. You don't break character halfway through your monologue. They understood, gasping out, 'oh! Practicing. I see. Sorry!' and running off back to the circle of people. 

Some people weren't so smart. 

One of the people was Daniel. He was a big kid, at least twice my size and with at most half of the maturity of a six-year-old. He came up to me and asked me what I was doing. 

"Hey, Natalie, what'cha up to?" 

I ignored him and continued the monologue, hoping that he would grow some brains and catch on. 

"What are you doing? What are you doing? What are you doing? Natalie, why aren't you telling me what you're doing? What is this for? What are you saying? I don't get it. Natalie, what are you doing?" 

By the time I was finished with my monologue, he was STILL going. Some of my friends had come to my rescue and asked him very nicely to leave. They had gotten progressively meaner each time he refused to go. 

When I was through with my monologue, I told him what I was up to. 

"Oh, cool! Can you tell me what it means?" He asked.

"Uh, I kinda have to practice right now. My audition is at lunch and I'm really freaking out, so uh..." I wanted him to grasp that I wasn't going to tell him, but I guess I had forgotten he wasn't all that smart. 

"Can I watch?" 

"No, Daniel, you can't." I told him through gritted teeth. This went on for another five minutes or so until it escalated to the point where I threatened to punch him in the face. Remember: TWICE MY SIZE. He still didn't back off, so I tried to ignore him and continue my monologue, but he was persistent. 

After about thirty lines of my monologue I got fed up with him.

"Get the hell away from me, Daniel!" I yelled at him. I never use words like 'hell' unless I'm furious or talking about the actual place. Only my real friends know that about me, and when they heard it, they really started trying to get Daniel away from me. They knew that me exploding was NOT a pleasant thing. The idiot still didn't grasp the concept that I was serious. He made me so flipping livid, so angry and stressed out, that finally, I did it.

I punched him in the face. 

I didn't even punch him hard. Just enough to let him know that I meant business. He backed up quick, with a stunned expression slapped across his face. That stun switched to a look of absolute loathing. 

"You...you..." He stammered. "You just punched me in the f***ing face!!!" 

He crushed a soda can in his hand and threw it at me.

"That b*tch just punched me in the f***ing face!" And he stormed away with tears in his eyes, probably to cry somewhere. 

On one hand, I felt kinda like I had just punched a little kid, which was not cool. On the other hand, I felt really unprepared for my audition, which was even less cool.

I tried to continue practicing my monologue, but the bell rang after the first few lines. 

I got into the play, even though I butchered the monologue.