The Story of My Life :P

Fairly Oddparents Fanfic

Dear Journal,

Walking home from school is a mortifying affair. Every day I trek from Redwall Elementary six blocks to my house, usually covered in ketchup, or soothing a swollen eye with an ice pack, with my hair messed up and dirt and grass stains all over my clothes. That's not even the worst of it. The thing that makes me mad isn't that the kids at school pick on me--it's the grown-ups who do nothing about it. I'm only nine! How am I supposed to defend myself when a herd of sixth-grade thugs comes rolling along? Students aren't allowed to fight back if a bully hits you--school policy--and the teachers are supposed to step up and discipline them. What happens when the adults turn a blind eye to the jerks shooting spit balls at you? You get spitballed. End of story. 

The parents are no help, either. If you try talking to them about it, they wave off your complaint by explaining that this is just another way to build character. Maybe I don't want character! Maybe I want to stay intact throughout the day! Maybe--

A deafening bang and a cloud of multicolored smoke startled me out of my journal. Through the choking cloud I could see bright lights flashing, and someone stood in the middle of it all. A person, situated on a stage--no, not on it--above it. The person was floating!

"Hi! My name's Binky, and I'm your Fairy Godparent!" He squeaked.

My journal dropped out of my hand. "What?"

"I'm your Fairy Godparent, Joe! I just finished up at the Fairy Academy, so I can grant any wish you want!" He smiled.

"What's the catch?" I asked.

If a little floating man with purple eyes, a crown, a timeless face and a magic wand bursts into your bedroom and offers to grant you wishes, that's the best question to ask him.

He giggled. "No, no! No catch. There are some rules, like you can't wish away true love, and you can't kill anybody, but they're basic. Wish for something! Wish! It'll be my very first wish I grant ever!"

"Okay," I thought. Nothing too big, I told myself. So you don't look stupid if he's lying. "I wish for an ice cream sundae." 

Sure enough, one wave of a magic wand later, a giant ice cream sundae sat on my lap. This thing had the works--a bunch of flavors, hot fudge, caramel, whipped cream, nuts, and a sweet cherry to top it off.

"Thanks," I told him, but he was too busy sending sparks out of his wand. He kept flying around, squeaking, 'My first wish! My first wish!' and doing a funny jig with his little legs. It took him a full five minutes to settle down, and I was already halfway through my treat. "You're loud, you know that? My mom'll get mad."

He stopped sending sparks out of his wand and stared at me, his face stern. "Your mom can't know I exist. No one can, or I have to leave forever!" 

This problem was something I had to have fixed immediately. I wished that no human could hear or see or touch him except me, and that no one could see or hear me talking to him. That way Binky's existence would stay secret, so long as I didn't blow it. Me and my big fat mouth aren't too good at keeping shut.

The next day as I got ready for school, I wondered why I had to go to school at all, now that I had a super-powerful magic fairy at my command. Binky told me that I wouldn't have him around forever, so I'd better get an education. Then someone new came along. A loud poof, a puff of smoke, and a  thunderous military theme song accompanied the appearance of a giant, muscular fairy with a white buzz cut and a giant wand. He had on camouflage pants, a green shirt, combat boots, and straps making an X across his chest. Spiked bracelets wrapped around his wrists. A crown that didn't go with his other clothes hovered above his head. 

"BINKY!" The fairy roared in a funny accent. "You were supposed to meet me half an hour ago! HOW am I supposed to beat you up if YOU are not even THERE?"

"I got a Godchild! AAAAHHH!" Binky screamed, cowering behind me. 

"Who is this guy?" I whispered to him.

"Jorgen Von Strangle, toughest fairy in the universe," He informed me. "He's in charge of everyone."

"Why is he picking on you?"

"BINKY! I don't know what you're whispering about, but it had better have something to do with my awesome muscles! Otherwise," Jorgen raised his staff and banged it on the ground. The next instant Binky poofed into Jorgen's hand, screaming. "I will SHOW you my awesome muscles! Of PAIN!" Jorgen alternately squished and pummeled my fairy.

I glanced outside my window. The school bus peeled away from my curb, and I hadn't even known it  had been there. I had to intervene. 

"Excuse me, Mr. Von Strangle?" I asked politely. He stopped pounding for a moment, and Binky panted in Jorgen's huge hand. "I just missed my school bus. Binky's got to take me to school now, or I'll be late. Could you please let him go?"

"Puny fairy. Your Godchild is in need. Be assured, I will come back again!" Jorgen poofed out of sight, leaving a breathless Binky drenched in sweat, staring at me with gratitude.

"Does that happen a lot?" I asked him.

He nodded.