The Story of My Life :P

Hero

In Southern California, there's a lot you can do during the summer. You can go to the beach, or to the park, or go camping in the mountains, or to the movies, or a baseball game, or anything, really. The only thing you can't do? Go out by yourself. 

I love adventure. I love going out into the unknown to learn, and to explore--but I also like going out alone. It's not that I don't like people, it's just...sometimes I don't like them, near me. Sometimes I want to be alone in the woods at night--not that there are any woods around here anyway, and not that I want to get eaten by a bear--simply to be there, so that my mind is stimulated with the unfamiliar, and my thirst for adventure is quenched. I want to learn. I want to develop skills that I probably won't ever need, like shooting a bow and arrow (which I'm fantastic at now) or swordfighting (it's coming along) or which rocks to use to light a fire (no idea). 

Okay, truth is, I want to learn that stuff because I think one day the world's going to need it, and nobody else will know how but me. Because I want to be a hero, which is stupid, I know. I'm scared of needles and earthquakes, and I want to be a hero. 

It's not my place to be a hero! I have to keep telling myself that. I mean, what can I do? I write. I sing. I act. I dance. I'm in showbiz for pete's sake! But I'm not a coward. I can fight, and I can think on my feet. Of course, I'd prefer to use my wits and stealth to get out of a snitch, rather than my fists. Not that I'll ever need to fight, anyway. It's not like I can go anywhere. No! I'm not supposed to be the hero, I'm a more-than-slightly insane 16-year-old hyperactive nerd! I know that! So why can't I shake the desire for adventure? For exploration?  

My whole summer has been one big hope that something exciting will come and take me away on a huge adventure. I've been holed up in the same places my whole life because it's dangerous in the 'real world'. My dream is that the real world disappears for a little while so I can finally step outside, so I don't have to worry about gangs and rapists and car thiefs and drug lords or whatever my parents think lurks around my neighborhood, and be free to learn and explore as I please. 

Now summer is gone, and I'm going to be stuck holed up in those places, just like always. No freedom. No adventure. All I'll have is seven classes a day, a fourth grader to tutor, mounds of homework, and social stress. 

HA. Right. No, I don't think so. I'm going to MAKE school interesting this year. No one else ever wants to be the weird girl who turns boring into pure fun. That's why my life is interesting...I MAKE IT SO. I AM THAT GIRL. Yes, it's true: I would prefer to have someone else come and make it exciting. So far, no one's stepped up to the plate, so I will. 

I'll be the hero, even when there's nothing to fight. 

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So many conflicting emotions. I want to be the hero, but I know I shouldn't want to. I know it's dangerous to be out, alone in the dark, but I want to go anyway.

I need a therapist. My dad's studying to be a psychologist, and he says I don't need one. I NEED ONE.