The Ways that I am Human

I Am Still

// I am 18 years old

I am still

I am still learning that the air that goes into my lungs has to come back out

I am still hoping the doctors are wrong while knowing they're right

I am still mourning the innocence and childhood that he took from me

I am still nauseated at the handfuls of medication I have to take to function

I am still frustrated that I used to run 5Ks but now it is a struggle to walk

I am still training my eyes not to fall on the knives that lay on the kitchen counter

I am still convincing myself not to take a few too many pills and fall asleep again

I am still angry that I am not normal

But...

I am still waking up every morning, even if it is after 12

I am still learning how to eat when I am hungry

I am still in love with the moon and stars

I am still singing my heart out to songs that make me cry

I am still forgiving myself for the scars that I etched into my skin

I am still eating dairy products knowing that I'll regret it later

I am still feeling the chords in my left while strumming with my right

I am still reminding myself that I am loved and needed

Most importantly,

I am still here

I am still//

-Nikolaih

(Author's Note)

If you got this far, thank you so much! This is my most recent work as of 7/23/23. It took me a while to create this, as "art takes time" (lol) but thanks for reading anyways. This piece is one of the first ones of mine that I mention my physical disabilities, so that was a tough thing to do. Anyways, I hope I was able to help or inspire someone <3