SKINTIGHT (Part 1)

Chapter 18

Violet

Jack has been drugging me. He's been trying to keep me mellow and submissive. He knew indica would make me drowsy. He wanted to make me numb so I'd be easier to manipulate, so I wouldn't fight him on his bullshit, and so I would let him fuck me. He wanted to keep me weak.

Whenever I'd ask for sativa he'd say I wouldn't be able to sleep, or it would make me angry, or it would throw off his stash. He always had an excuse.

Why did I believe him? Why would I listen to him? I smoked sativa all throughout high school with no issues. Why do I care what Jack thinks?

He's had me fucked up this whole fucking time. I relied on him to keep me occupied, and he knew it. He preyed on me.

He could do whatever he wanted. He knew he could get away with it. He knew I wouldn't argue with him. I was too fucking weak. I never cared enough to do it. I didn't care about him and I didn't care about myself. He could hurt me all he wanted. I wouldn't care. I was too weak to fight back, too weak to argue. I just let it happen.

It was self-harm. Instead of using razor blades, I used him. I let him do it. I let him walk all over me. It made me feel relieved — to have him destroy me so I didn't have to. I let it happen.

I kept going back to him because what he did to me was nothing compared to the pain I already felt. He eased my pain. No, he exploited it.

"Do we still have any MDMA left from last weekend?" I ask. Dani's been speaking to me since she returned with the keg, but I haven't listened to a word she's said.

"I think so, yeah," she nods. "You want some?"

"Maybe. I need to let loose a little."

"Really? I thought you were in a good mood tonight."

"I was but I don't know, I need something to take the edge off."

"Are you sure that's a good idea?"

"Yeah, it's fine," I say. "You can join in if you want."

"I don't know, Vi," she hesitates. "I think we should lay off the drugs for a little bit."

"Why?" I furrow my brows. She usually loves to get high, especially off party drugs.

"I just don't think it's healthy, you know. I don't wanna start getting seizures or anything."

"You were fine with it last week."

"Yeah, but we all wanted to party," she says. "I don't think it's a good idea for you to start doing it too often, or on your own."

"Why not? It's not like I'm going to get addicted or anything."

"I know, but still. I just want you to be safe."

"Come on," I push. "You know I'll be safe."

"Vi..." she gives me a pointed look.

"What? You know I will be. I don't know what the big deal is," I reach for her bag. "Just give me the pills."

"Violet!" she pulls away.

"Come on, Dani," I try again.

"Stop it."

"Dani!" I complain.

"What's going on with you?"

"Nothing. I said I was fine."

"I—. Come with me," she takes my hand and pulls me out of the crowd. We head back towards the kitchen, finding a quiet spot by the pantry.