What We Do etc: "The Fiendish Plot of (human) Laszlo and Nadja Cravensworth

The Fiendish Plot of (human) Laszlo and Nadja Cravensworth... Part III...

What We Do In the Shadows: "The Fiendish Plot of (human) Laszlo and Nadja Cravensworth"...

Summary: Back in the regular but sort of AU universe of WWDITS, you thought the season was about Guillermo. It wasn't. (Well, in this AU anyhow.)

Part III...

"Oh, dear God of my fathers...I am so happy." Nadja, human in Nadja, notes as she walks the street a bit, taking a little diversion home from Sean and Charl to avoid suspicion...And to find a good piece of pastry, having found a ten-spot in the pocket of her dress, taken from some poor victim a while ago.

"A bit sick to my stomach, perhaps...First time eating in over three hundred years and I may not yet be fully human. But I found these wonderful pills at the corner CVS..." Displays. "They are called Tummys...Oh, Tums, right. And they seem to work miracles on the digestion. Oh, what an age to return to Humanity." She beams. "The old way would be a purge and that can take a day of very loud farts and shitting or copious vomiting, likely to reveal my restored human nature. This is soooo much easier...Urpph. Pardons."

"So I had my dinner with Sean and Charl. Wonderful folks, I can see why I bonded with them. Oh, yes, I had impressions of our relationship via Nadja and of course I'd occasionally encountered them as the Doll, though then I had to keep still to conceal myself."

Cut to shot of Sean and Char visiting residence, touring with Nadja, the Doll on shelf trying to keep still while occasionally eyeing them. Shot at Sean and Charl's place, Doll set on sofa, solemnly staring ahead, doing her best to seem a non-sentient antique toy, even when picked up and tossed about by Sean's nasty brat niece, till, carried to bedroom and threatened by the llttle niece, she'd taken a leaf from the Twilight Zone...

"My name is Talking Nadja and I'm gonna kill you by gutting you with a knife in your sleep little one if you don't stop tossing me around." In singsong voice, grimly terrifying stare, raised arms. The little girl running from the room in horror. "Thank you, Rod Serling." The Doll noting.

"Anyway, it was wonderful. Charl and I made salad, I ate salad...We sliced buns, I ate sliced buns...I also ate more semi-frozen buns when I finished the sliced buns. I ate hamburger before and after Seany cooked it on his grill. Oh, God, so much better cooked. We drank wine..." Urpph... "Charl says she was surprised to see me drink something besides the red stuff I bring. But no matter, it was..." Urrrphh... "Glorious. Food and Drink are glorious. Life is glorious. And yet, I am sad. My poor Laszlo is still trapped as a ghost till he can drive vampiral Laszlo out. And it will mean vampiral Laszlo must go to his desserts in Hell, probably...With my counterpart. And that's ok, if I get human Laszlo...But geesh, if only I could keep both with me." Wan smile.

"Still, in a way Laszlo is the sum of his parts, like I am. We may be the souls but we are hardly saints." Smile. "What? Oh, we have been communing and whatever else we could since practically we died..." Woebegone look..."Since practically I took Laszlo's life...But..."Brightens. "He has assured me, the dear soul, that it was the best thing that ever happened to him. Apart from the mass murder..." sigh.

"Charl couldn't believe how much I was eating but I cleverly covered for it by saying I've been on a diet for the past couple of years. That worked fine. Except Charl wants a copy of my diet...But, hey, I got...Stole...This 'Juice Your Way to Thin and Healthy' book at CVS.." Holds up book. "And I can tell her I got everything from this tome. But I should get back before any of the others finds me out here and before Laszlo retires to his coffin. I mean when he gets bored he'll masturbate and then the night of sex and orgy is shot. And I for one am looking forward to it, so long as we can copulate outside our coffins. I do not relish the idea of sleeping in the damn things. Hafta figure a way out of that."