My fingers were tangled into her hair. We were sitting on my bed, me behind her brushing her curls with my fingers. Her eyes were closed and i can tell she was relaxed. I put my chin on her shoulder and i gave her a side kiss on the neck. I wanted to hold her as close as possible. I loved her delicate scent of vanilla and orchid and her soft hair touching my face. I hugged her from behind, soft sight leaving my nose. She turned her head looking at me.
- I missed you - I whispered hiding my face in her neck. That was the first time in this week when we were together for more than one hour. Finally i could feel her touch.
- I missed you too... - She was playing with her fingers. The sign of her anxiety. I worried a little, I didn't want her to feel anxious around me. What i should do oh God? The fact that everything i did didn't help was killing me. My angel was different and she didn't want to talk with me about that.
- Vanessa please talk with me - I turned her body and now she was facing me. I looked deep into her eyes. I worried more when i couldn't see the spark in her eyes. I really wanted to help. But i couldn't. What can I do when she doesn't want to open up to me?
- I told you everything is okay. How many times i have to repeat that Bojan? - I'm not sure if i was right but i saw the annoyance and anger in her eyes. That wasn't my little sweet angel. She changed. Truly changed. I felt the pain in my heart. I was scared that she lost feelings for me or she started to hate me, even if i didn't give her a reason to.
- I just want to know if that's my fault. You changed and you can't tell me that's not true Nessa - Her nose twitched, like always when she's nervous. That was convincing me that's because of me. I felt guilty even though i didn't have any reason to feel like this. I was giving her all of my love and i was always by her side. It was ripping me into tiny pieces.
- No. Change the subject if you want to talk with me - I heard the cold tone of her voice.
- No Vanessa i want to know what is happening right now. You can tell me everything you know that. I won't judge you even if it's the worst. Just tell me please. Please let my know your problem and let me help you. Please - I didn't want that but my voice cracked as i was saying that. I was so frustrated with the fact that she doesn't want me to know what happened. I thought we were honest with each other but i guess i was wrong. She stood up and looked at me with zero effort in her eyes. I didn't want to let her know that i'm in pain but i don't think i could hide it. She left my room and i guess my apartment. I fell on my bed looking at the ceiling.
She doesn't want to talk with me. Is that my fault? Did i do something? I'm sure i didn't. I tried my best to be here for her. I felt my heart ripping. I want my Vanessa back. She's still adorable but i miss that spark in her. The energy she was spreading around when she was smiling at everyone. Now her face is pale and she barely smiles. It's killing me. I want her back in my arms every night as we cuddle with each other to sleep. I can't just stand here and watch her disappear. I have to do something. And i will. For my love. For our love.
