broken halos {kai parker}

out cold

KARMA'S POV

i thought waking up from death is torturous, i have never died from hypothermia before. the agony you go through before dying is wretched. i've died so many times now i don't remember what day it is. i would've used my magic but my i put it my car keys and of course my keys are in my car. i hope that kai comes back, he can't just forget about me. i am the only person in this world besides him, i really don't feel like spending eternity dying repeatedly. i begin to long for the days of his mind games and playful smirk. it hurts to move, i have become blue and swallowed in ice. soon i will be fully engulfed in ice and death itself. Its hurts to feel anything so i just take the numbness this cold has given me.

When i'm technically dead; i dream of France and getting the hell out of this prison as a whole. I'm so sick of drowning in emotions and the plentiful pain that Kai has granted me.

KAI'S POV

it's been 160 days since i left karma for inevitable suffering, it's also been 160 days since i have become an alcoholic. i don't remember most days, but there is nothing special about any of them anymore. i always think about going back for her, but that only enforces my motion to drink. i don't want feelings, i don't want to think about any other person but me. i am the most important.

i wake up still drunk from yesterday. the booth i am at feels incredibly uncomfortable, i miss the boarding house. i sigh, getting ready to drown my feelings. i notice both of the bottles on the table are completely empty. "fuck," i just brought those two over last night. i get up stretching my arms and feeling the sudden weight of my bladder. quickly going for a piss and making my way back to the bar.

i reach for a bottle of zima but i never touch it, "what the hell am i doing?" i put both of my hands in the pocket of my jeans and i stare at the liquor. i debate if i should make an effort to walk a few blocks to the diner or to go straight for tequila.

***

breaking open the lock, i take in a deep breath. this is it. this is what i've been trying to forget this entire time. kicking the frozen door open, i see karma. my heart breaks. i walk over to her - my knees buckle and my eyes sting. "i dont know why i did this to you. karma, i'm so sorry. " i begin to sob, i need to get her out. i need to warm her up. i need to apologise. i need to make sure she knows how sorry i am. All the emotions i have been denying flood back to me.

the pain in my chest increases as i wrap her into my arms and lift her. i bring her over back where i left both of the cars, i place her gently into the back seat of my car and i drive back to the boarding house.

****

KARMA'S POV

i whimper to the touch of warmth around me, i feel too weak to open my eyes or make any effort to move from this uncomfortable position. "karma? oh my god, i am so sorry." his hand runs over my hair, his apology is longer than i care to remember. "i am going to pick you up, okay? i have an idea to help speed up the process." He makes more comments about being sorry, everything to me seems so much as a blur and it's all hard to remember.

when he picks me up i hear myself whimper, i stumble over the few words all i really care about right now, "you're warm." i nuzzle my face into his neck. the feeling of heat makes me fill me with joy. being frozen all this time i never really got to feel anything but cold and loneliness. Now my emotions are slowly beginning to rise making my body burn.

"don't be afraid, okay? im turning on the water now." the small squeak of the pipes confirms we are in the shower - soon enough water hits me and i flinch. i let out a breath i didn't realise i was holding in. i will never forget this feeling.

"i didn't think you would come back for me." i open my eyes meeting a new shade of deep blue. i feel almost nauseous seeing him, he put me in there and left me to suffer. a pain in my chest reveals itself and its entirely caused by fear. "why would you leave me there?" my eyes flutter shut in memories of dying.

"you made me feel weak, dependent; you made me feel. i felt blessed that my family had given me you to help me survive. they gave me a reason to hold on. you're that reason. i was thinking about it and there is no other possible reason why we are both in the same prison world. those sons of bitches. i left you there, because i didn't want to need you. when you left the house i went into panic mode. i had to make you stay." the water makes my skin warm but his words make my insides warm. i have never felt needed in my entire life.

"that was beautiful but, it doesn't make up for anything you did." i on the other hand, do not need him. i will never be dependent on him. i cannot let myself do that otherwise it will all end up in flames and dreadful memories. 

"of course, i know." his voice cracks, resembling sadness.

"we are both in here together, that won't change." i make an effort to smile before falling asleep.