broken halos {kai parker}

days apart

***

KAI'S POV

it's been over 36 hours since she last regained some kind of strength to be completely conscious. the wait has been giving me anxiety over how she's gonna react when she wakes. 

about 6 hours ago

"karma i'm so sorry." i tell her again, even though i know she can't hear me. i haven't slept this entire time - i thought she'd wake up earlier than this. maybe it's better that she doesn't. i slip out of my jeans and climb into the other side of her bed. i lay on my back staring at the ceiling and i pray she won't wake up until i wake up. i dont want her to leave again. "i'm so sorry karma." i sigh, closing my eyes and quickly beginning to drift. 

its when she shuffles herself over to me she decided to talk, "hold me." her soft voice surprises me, but i do what she says. 

"like this?"

"you're warm."

i wake myself up so i don't sleep too long, so i don't miss anything. the anxiety pulses through me and i begin to question myself- i don't know this side of me. i never really cared for it. karma is suppose to be dead, if we were in the real world somebody would have found her before she died. i don't know how many times she died but i don't i want to either. seeing her like this wrecks me, i did this to her. how are we suppose to start over when i gave her a horrid past? 

i remove myself from the bed, "holy shit." this was all a mistake, i gotta get out of here. i grab some fresh clothes and most of my things in the house. should i leave a note? no, that would seem like i cared enough. i run out the door, and into my car. 

KARMA'S POV

i wake up alone, i wonder where kai is? more importantly i feel so much better, i feel like me again. it's midday; the eclipse is just about to happen. i smile; i maybe stuck alone in this world with kai but i can totally live with that. i walk down stairs expecting to see kai, i want to thank him for coming back for me but there's no sign of him. i look at the driveway and there is no car. he left me? again? i am unsure if i'm happy or disappointed. "huh.." is my car still at the gas station? i slip on my adidas and begin to walk the five miles there.  

as i make my way to my car i think about what kai said, "you made me feel weak, dependent; you made me feel. i felt blessed that my family had given me you to help me survive. they gave me a reason to hold on. you're that reason. i was thinking about it and there is no other possible reason why we are both in the same prison world. those sons of bitches. i left you there, because i didn't want to need you. when you left the house i went into panic mode. i had to make you stay."   

if he felt that way then why'd he leave again? i barely remember his heartfelt monologue; but i will be sure to memorize it while i'm stuck imprisoned. Kai really sucks at feelings and that was the only nice thing he ever said sincerely. i'm not even sure if it was sincere- i was in so much pain, how could i tell the difference? 

"...i left you there, because i didn't want to need you..."  i say his words out loud and i stare at my car, this is where he kissed me and then decided to trap me in a freezer. he wanted to make a point to me about him being cold hearted. he intended for everyday suffering until he came back, which he did. does that even matter at this point? 

i open my door, i hesitate to grab my keys. "i dont want my magic" i repeat three times over, "i am done killing." i take a deep breath and i start the engine. my smile grows and i turn up my mixtape. i tap my wheel to the beat and i drive back to new york; to my pretty little penthouse. i need champagne and chanel. 

*** 

5 years later 

throughout the years i didn't know what to do, so i did everything i could think of. year one: i partied by myself. by that i mean i went shopping in every store in nyc, i drank fine wine and champagne, and i lived in the best houses. year two: i got into cocaine and 'robbing' banks. i had a room for where i kept my money. i had no idea why i kept it considering i will never need it. year three: i got off cocaine and i spent most of my time in the hamptons. living in the hamptons i started to read but not often. year four: i read way too much, i watched tons of movies, and i got into marijuana. for my summer vacation i decided to go to mexico. i also taught myself how to shoot guns and decided to keep one with me at all times. 

year five: i've moved into a nice house in seattle, i spent a lot of time in the space needle re-reading books and listening to music. i find that getting high was the only thing that helped me pass the time, it helped me to forget my past life. i feel that i've aged mentally, but i still look 22. i've dyed my hair back to my original strawberry blonde and settled on a dressy casual for my everyday clothing wear. 

i now stare out the glass of the space needle and watch the sun begin to set. day 6540 is coming to end and i feel the daily pang in my chest longing for more than this; for a normal life, for friends, and a family of my own, i want to age. noticing my feelings i set up another bowl for the last smoke of the day. 

KAI'S POV

year one: when i left her that day i ended up driving to the white house, realising the mistake i made i went back. i found out she had left. i'd hope that she went to go find me and come back to the boarding house. she never did. year two: i went to portland looking in my family's house for some kind of way out. year three: i went to france, hoping to find Karma. instead i found the ascendent. year four: i stayed in france, i grew fond of the architecture and ended up traveling europe. 

year five: i went back to portland living in my family's house. i couldn't stand it the memories as they haunted the hallways. that's when i began to drink again. slowly everyday became the same day, as if they weren't already. i drank and i drank.

i now, hold the next glass of scotch. my emotions are non-existent or so i thought- "...my family had given me you to help me survive. they gave me a reason to hold on. you're that reason. i was thinking about it and there is no other possible reason why we are both in the same prison world..." the memory of me spilling out my feelings to a very hurt karma stab at my mind. she made me feel. she gives me hope, she is my light at the end of the tunnel. i know me and her never actually had the chance to be friends and hang out like normal people. but that's just it, we aren't normal at all. we are insane sociopaths that will never want to cleanse ourselves of power and control. if we were any bit of normal we would've ended up meeting in the real world because of the relationship between our families. we could've been together, we could've had a life. but we aren't normal. we were built without emotion, she brings out my emotions, but i don't bring out hers.

before you know it i have my finger down my throat trying to throw up any remaining liquor that i haven't digested. once i throw up, i grab a water bottle and bring it with me out to my car. guzzling the water and tossing the empty bottle onto the street, i begin to drive my rental car to the airport. i'm going back to the boarding house.