Speak now charles or never

what the fuck were you thinking

October 1, 2014

charles Leclerc

I woke up scared by the nightmare I had just had, I always have them, I passed the
hand through my hair and shook my head to
get the dream out of my mind, I got up to go to the bathroom, I washed my face and looked in the mirror for a few seconds, I shook my head and left the room, when I came down I visualized my mother and my brother Arthur, my mother smiled to me and I did the same, and then I was hit by my little brother, I looked at him seriously but I couldn't help but laugh when I saw his scared face
"idiot" I whispered trying that my mother don't hear me but she did
"Charles, don't talk to your brother like that" I huffed before opening the drawers in search of food, I found a box of cereals, I grabbed them and put them on the counter while I grabbed a bowl to put them in, I looked out the window and the day was horrible, after grabbing the bowl I sat next to Arthur
"Where are dad and Lorenzo?" I asked, looking up from the almost empty bowl.
"They went to the garage with Jules to look at your car, I suppose for the race on Saturday"
As soon as I heard Jules' name I got up quickly, I could hear my mother's screams in the distance but I didn't care, I walked to the garage and you can see dad, Lorenzo and Jules, I hugged Jules tight, I haven't seen him for a long time

"You came, you're not supposed to be in Suzuka" I asked, remembering that this weekend my godfather would race there.
"Yes, I should, but I decided to go see how they are, I have a flight tomorrow first thing in the morning" I smiled as I finished speaking, I stayed there for a while, a long time, I looked at the time on the clock on the dirty wall of the garage and saw that it was already 6 o'clock, it was a bit dark since winter is starting here in Monaco, I had agreed to see me at max 6:30 so I started my trip to the meeting place, when I got there it was almost night, I was a little late but I hope max Don't get angry, when I peeked into the stands, yes that's our meeting place, I could see Max's figure, I approached slowly and saw how his face turned to see me, his eyes observed my green eyes, my stomach began to tingle but I decided to ignore him as I always did every time I saw him, I gave him a smile and sat next to him

"hi" I greeted "hi" he said back "I heard Jules is in town" he said turning to look at me "yes he is, I really needed to see him" he laughed and that made his hand bump into mine, we both got a little embarrassed and I felt my skin heat up, I don't know why I reacted like that it's not like I've never touched a boy's hand, but max wasn't just a boy, he was the boy, i shouldn't have that feelings about a boy, right?. my mind began to have a conflict until max spoke again "are you okay?" he ask, I nodded quickly, after a few seconds that felt like minutes to me, we spoke normally again and laughed as always

It was already 7:45 and we both had to go home, when I went up to say hello I tripped on an armchair and almost fell if it hadn't been Max's grip on my waist, I managed to get comfortable and look at his eyes, he was already looking at me, I got completely lost, our bodies touched and I could feel my cheeks turn the color of the Ferrari car, my gaze began to divert to his lips and I don't know how I had the courage and the impulse that led me to kiss him, at first it was shy but then it felt good, it felt nice, but then he pushed me roughly after a few minutes, I felt my eyes start to fill with tears and see his crystallized eyes but full of confusion and fear, I could feel it too,

"What the fuck were you thinking?" he yelled at me, his voice was scared, confused, I didn't know what to answer "I thought that" he didn't let me finish and he spoke again "did you think that? that i  was gay, don't come near" he said

my heart began to break, I thought that he had given me signs, I felt the tears come out of my eyes "I'm sorry, really" I said with a trembling voice, his gaze began to get lost and his eyes began to shed tears, he was afraid I knew him enough to know it