Lights will guide you home and ignite your bones and I will try to fix you

☆8☆

I'm going to Hogsmeade with Ginny the following Saturday. We sit down in the Three Broomsticks and drink some Butterbeer, in the company of Hermione and Ron. Where is Harry? No idea. They don't say much about it other than that it has something to do with 'Malfoy'.
They must have forgotten that they were turning the knife in my wounds, because my heart clenched and I got up. Ginny gives me a pitying look and I force myself to smile. "I'm going to get some air," I murmur, and Ginny jumps up, but I push her back into her chair."I'll be right back, you don't have to come with me." I step outside and the snow crunches under my boots. I take a deep breath and try to get the thought of Draco out of my head.I decide to take a few steps and wander through the small streets of Hogsmeade. I think about all sorts of things and try not to have Draco around too much.
Needless to say, this fails quite miserably. At the latest when Draco appears out of nowhere with some people and walks past me.I hear him falter in his conversation when he sees me, but then he quickly carries on as if nothing had happened. I only allow myself a quick glance at him and hold myself back, but as he passes he accidentally brushes his hand over mine and my will weakens. But I have to stay away from him. That's what he asked me to do.
I quicken my steps as if the energy expenditure would help me forget, but it doesn't quite work.
I turn left into an alley, so that I've basically walked in a circle around the "Three Broomsticks" and arrive there again, but suddenly a dull pain goes through my head and a few seconds later everything around me is black.

I feel cool tiles beneath me and my head is pounding like mad. I hear some murmuring and wonder what's going on here. I groan and roll onto my back. "Oh, the little doll is waking up." I can't place that voice. Still, I slowly open my eyes and even if the voice is unfamiliar to me, I know for sure that this woman in front of me is Bellatrix Lestrange. My heart starts racing.
That is not good at all. Not good at all. I stare at her."Where am I? What do you want?" She smiles disgustingly. "Oh, we just want to talk to you. About your behavior.” I look at her suspiciously, then let my eyes wander around the room. And the two people who are still present are unmistakably Draco's parents. Lucius looks mean and cold as always, but Narcissa looks very worried and somehow quite human. "Why?" I ask cautiously. "You're in our way," she now whispers aggressively.
“Your existence prevents many important things. Your behavior is very, very wrong. And really bad for you, little Y/n" If this is what Draco meant when he said he didn't want me in danger, then I can understand his motivations much better now. "Poor little Draco can't think of anything but you," she says now, batting her eyes."And that's a problem."Her voice gets hard, then she continues. "He doesn't stay away from you, either physically or mentally. And so he messes up every single job he gets from the Dark Lord. He's not concentrating enough and it's your fault. So we want to encourage you and Draco to keep your distance from each other. Forever." "He broke up," I mumble grimly. "No need to worry." "Which doesn't change the fact that he only thinks about you." Now Lucius raises his voice. "I know my son and you're not good for him. You don't suit him and you put him in danger." Then he nods to Bellatrix. Narcissa takes a step forward and actually looks at me with pity. "Girl, I'm so sorry. But my son is the most important thing for me. For all of us. And we can't risk him getting distracted. Therefore.. this must be done now.” What, are they trying to kill me? I stare at her with wide eyes. That would be a bit hasty!Then Narcissa nods to Bellatrix as well and she smiles down at me.
A nasty, sneering and malicious smile. She murmurs with relish: "Crucio."
I register a door opening at the last moment, but then the pain explodes inside me.
If I thought the pain of the breakup was bad, now I know what real pain is.
I mean to hear Draco's voice through that veil, but I'm not sure because all I can think about is not giving up. Not to make a sound and not to show weakness."Look at her, Draco!" Bellatrix yells now. "Isn't she brave?" And then the pain gets worse and I double over and my resistance breaks and I scream out all this pain. Tears are running down my face and I wish at that moment that they had just killed me. That would definitely have been easier. "Stop!" I keep hearing Draco scream, he's begging her, but she won't let go.And so it seems to go on for hours. At some point I don't cry anymore. I'm empty. There is nothing more to complain about because I understand what this is about. And I give up, for the first time in my life I just give up. "Now stop it!" Draco is now yelling and I would love to see him. I'd love to. The active pain stops abruptly, but the afterwaves are still there. And I'm too weak to do anything. It's a miracle that I'm still breathing at all. My head tilts to the side and I half close my eyes.It's too bright in here. I'm cold. And nothing is right, nothing is good at all.
M

y vision is veiled and I hear and feel nothing. I feel myself being picked up. "Y/n." It's Draco and he sounds miserable. "Y/n, do you hear me?" I nod and this movement takes a lot of energy.

"Everything will be fine," he whispers, and I hear him cry.He's carrying me somewhere, I don't know where he wants me to go, but that he's here.It's actually not good either. But I have no strength for backwords or orders or anything like that. "I never wanted that to happen," he assures me through tears."I'm so incredibly sorry, Y/n. It's all my fault. I should have stayed away from you. I love you Y/n You must never forget that, no matter what happens.”
Those are the last words I hear from him before a black curtain falls over me and lets me forget for a moment.

I'm standing on the rubble field that was once Hogwarts courtyard. The fight is over. Voldemort is dead. It was some of the worst hours of my life because of the fact that for the first time in my life I was Draco's enemy. A lot of people have died and even more people are mourning, but at the same time you can feel the relief hanging in the air. We can look to a better future. At least everyone else can. I don't see a good future if Draco isn't in it. Ginny stands next to me and squeezes my hand.
She let go of Harry for a moment and I can't blame her for not leaving his side in a while.
If Draco were here... but he's not. His parents practically dragged him with them when the fight started all over again. I don't know what to make of it, but somehow I'm glad he seems to be doing reasonably well.And that he no longer fought for the wrong side, but simply didn't fight at all.
"Now a new life begins," Ginny murmurs, smiling a little. "For all of us."I shrug. "It's worth a try." Her gaze becomes pitying. "After all this time?" Tears well up in my eyes and I can only nod vigorously. Nothing has changed. He pushed me away, turned my heart into confetti multiple times, his 'friends' put me through agony and I love him. A little more every day, even when he's not by my side.
But I force myself over the next countless months to make something of my life without Draco.