Colleagues

Chapter 22 | Sadie

He was here.

Christian was in Margot's apartment. No matter how hard I willed it not to be true, there was no other explanation for the hushed voices heard next door. Of course, they were in complete contrast with the yells and shouts I had grown accustomed to.

Even now, I wasn't completely sure what I was trying to accomplish by reporting Christian to the police, but never could I have imagined Christian here, now, as if nothing had happened. I knew how hard it was to prosecute and convict domestic abusers. Hell, I was playing a fundamental role in a court case dedicated to proving the innocence of a domestic abuser.

And then there was the persistent fear intermingled with shame, tugging at the back of my mind. I was afraid that calling the authorities had been a feeble attempt at redemption, hoping to purge myself of the guilt I felt from defending Earl Wilson.

But now it was clearer than ever. Christian continued to evade the consequences of his actions and would keep on doing so with everyone remaining complacent to his crime. Me, most of all. I had to do something more. What more could I do?

I was pondering this when I heard it. My name on Christian's tongue. It was quiet, but unmistakable. That could only mean one thing: Christian knew it was me. To be fair, how could he not?

My mind turned back to a moment from weeks before, when I had come face-to-face with the man. Then, I'd done nothing, becoming as helpless as a deer in the headlights as I watched him disappear down that dark hallway

And then there was the kiss. That kiss that took my breath away in every sense of the phrase. The moment I felt her lips on mine, something inside me had broken free, filling me with emotions so intense they threatened to tear me apart. It had felt so good. Margot's leg between my own, Margot's hands on my face, in my hair.

But immediately after, I had to get out of there. I'd felt simultaneously claustrophobic but more liberated than I'd been for ages, and it was too much to bear. So I had left in a hurry, leaving Margot in the elevator that marked the spot where everything had changed between us.

Now, here I was. But instead of butterflies, my heart weighed as heavy as titanium in my chest as I heard Margot laugh at something Christian said. My own apartment, that should've been a haven from the world around it, felt unfamiliar and cold.

I got up from the spot where I was sulking on the couch, walked to the pantry, and removed a bottle of wine that a friend had given me after I was hired at Parker & Johnson. Of course, then, I was completely ignorant to what working there would do to me. Now, the accomplishment I'd been working towards my entire life felt empty and meaningless.

Pouring the wine into one of my glasses, I took a long sip. My phone rang. A ridiculous picture of Cody with a lemon between his lips was displayed on the screen. I chose it for his contact picture for obvious reasons.

"Hello?" I answered, confused as to why he was calling me at this hour.

"Hey, Sadie," he said. Knowing him long enough by now, I could hear a twinge of uncertainty to his voice.

"What's up?" I said, wanting to get to the point fast enough so I could continue wallowing in self-pity.

"Uh, is everything okay?" he asked.

"Yeah, definitely," I mumbled, trying to seem as unbothered and indifferent as possible.

"Well, okay," he replied doubtfully. "I just called to ask a quick question. As you're probably well aware, this weekend is the annual firm-wide retreat at theWhit.

"Oh, shit," I muttered under my breath, praying Cody hadn't heard me. He was right.

With all the chaos of preparation for the trial and my tumultuous relationship with Margot, I had completely forgotten about the pretentious 2-day work event that was taking place this Friday and Saturday. But now, reality was continuing its annoying habit of slapping me in the face. Hell, I didn't even have a dress yet.

"So," Cody continued, awkwardly. "I was wondering if you wanted to go to the retreat together. "I know how much you hate these sorts of things and I thought you could use the moral support."

An uncomfortable silence passed between us. I knew he was just trying to be kind, but I feared giving him the wrong impression.

"As friends, of course," he added, quickly. Cody released a forced chuckle, that made my insides twist with guilt.

"Of course I'll go with you, Cody," I replied. It was true, I didn't see him in a romantic way, but I really enjoyed our friendship, and a dependable friend was what I needed right now.

"Great!" Cody exclaimed, relieved. "Just send me a picture of your dress, and I'll get a tie to match." Cody's excitement warmed me a little despite the disappointment and hurt I felt at Christian's untimely return.

"Sure, sounds good," I stated, my mind quickly running through the array of cheap stores where I could find a dress elegant enough to wear to a professional event. "See you, Cody."

"Bye, Sadie," Cody said in response. "Hang in there."

My phone buzzed, signaling that he'd hung up. The thought of plastering a smile on my face and partaking in this two-day ordeal that I figured would consist of networking and kissing people's asses filled me with trepidation. I took another sip of wine, relishing in the temporary silence from the apartment next door.

My mind went back to the kiss, much to my chagrin. I needed to stop thinking about it. It meant nothing to me, and I was dead certain it meant nothing to Margot. It was a lapse in judgment, a brief moment of curiosity that was ineffectual and counterproductive.

But I couldn't stop myself from replaying the encounter over and over, dissecting and obsessing over small details like the tears in her eyes and her frantic breathing and how her hands cupped my face and my neck.

Then I heard something that made my stomach drop as I felt bile rise in my throat. Once again, I cursed my apartment for its thin walls, registering the tell-tale moans and pants as my insides turned cold.

Walking out to the balcony, I slammed the door behind me. I covered my ears with my hands, even though the rational part of my brain knew I wouldn't hear anything from the safety of my balcony. But even now, nothing could drown out the vulgar sounds and obscene thumps of the bed post hitting the wall, our wall. I felt tears begin to form.

Christian was fucking Margot. My Margot, now his. My heart ached. My throat hurt. Everything hurt. I wrapped my arms around my knees tightly, doubling over as if in physical pain. How could she go back to him like this? When he made her feel like less than nothing.

It should've been me making her moan. It should've been me making her come undone in my arms.

The sadness quickly faded, replaced by anger. God, I hated him so much. I hated him for taking what wasn't his. I hated him for getting away with everything. I hated him more than I'd hated anybody in my life before. More than the middle school bullies and the dad that left and the people that never believed in me.

But most of all, I hated Margot. I hated her for making me care about her so much that not being with her killed me.