In the days that follow, I pour my attention into soaking up time with my parents in order to take my mind off Alex. On Christmas Eve, I tag along with my dad to work and help him deliver Christmas baskets to the tenants in the properties he manages along with his brother.
That evening, against all precedent and logic, I call Ethan on FaceTime. I'm in the holiday spirit, and I chat him up, twinkling my eyes into his through the screen. He seems genuinely glad that I called, and the conversation flows freely. My confidence skyrockets; I find myself openly flirting with him, which for me means teasing him ruthlessly.
That night, I drive with my parents to view the Christmas lights on this infamous cul-de-sac called Dove Court, in the heart of our tiny suburb. As the colorful lights sparkle into my nostalgic soul, my phone begins vibrating in my jacket pocket. I'm expecting it to be Isla, since I recently texted her a Merry Christmas message, and I tilt the angle of the screen to light up the notification with a wide smile, excited to hear from my best friend.
It's Alex.
Feliz Navidad, Natalia. With a freaking Christmas tree emoji. This time, my ego expands and overflows like over-yeasted bread dough, smothering my conscience. Guilt is replaced by an overwhelming burst of joy at the notion that wherever Alex is and whatever he is doing in this moment, on Christmas Eve, he is thinking of me.
Merry Christmas, Alex! I include a snowman, because this seems lighthearted yet still cute.
We leave it there. Yep, he is definitely still in a relationship. I keep getting my hopes up, but I don't feel crushed this time. I just feel feelings, lots of them, and that's okay with me.
* * *
In the period between Christmas and New Year's, things appear to be progressing well with Ethan. We chat over FaceTime every evening, in addition to texting a few times throughout the day. I have learned about his childhood, his family, his goals for the future. Ethan has shared that his father is a functioning alcoholic and that he fears a similar fate if he continues the same habits he developed during our first semester at college.
This last piece of information causes me to question whether it is a good idea for me to fall any deeper for Ethan or become involved with him in a relationship. Not that he has so much as hinted towards the notion of us officially dating.
"What are you doing for New Year's Eve?" he asks me on December 30th. For a moment, I imagine him inviting me to spend it together with him. We live only a couple hours away from each other, driving distance.
"My aunties, uncles and cousins will be here. My mom always hosts a big dinner, and we play board games and hang out. How about you?"
"I'm heading into the city with my friend Clara to party with a couple other buddies from high school," he replies with even nonchalance. Ethan lives near San Francisco. At the mention of the name Clara, my stomach clenches in recognition. He has mentioned her many times in conversations over the months, and I have the distinct impression that he likes her as more than a friend.
"Okay, have fun. Don't drink too much," I suggest without conviction. My vocal chords have dried and withered.
After we hang up, I text Elia, because she is closest friends with Ethan out of the three of us. I relay the information from our recent phone call and hint at the sensation of dread creeping through me.
Yeah, be careful Nati, Elia writes, causing my stomach to deflate.
Ethan is a good guy with a lot of issues.
I want to throw my phone in the trash and pretend I haven't read her messages.
What do you mean? I ask, gripping the device with aggressive fingers.
YOU ARE READING
A New Reflection
Teen FictionNatalia Stevens is smart, nice and shy-and this is exactly how everyone sees her. Even day-to-day conversations with friends and classmates are difficult, and guys certainly don't pay her any attention. During her senior year, Nati begins to notice...
