A New Reflection

41. Home

"Oh my God," I whisper.

"What? What!" Isla leans close to me with excitement, and the beige stalls, pristine white sinks and peach walls reappear around me.

"It's Alex," I grunt in exaggerated fashion, acting as though I am about to faint.

Lol, you're funny. Nope, not my boyfriend. He wishes. Winking emoji.

"Oh my God! Why did I send that? What's wrong with me?" I grasp my forehead, and it is now clear to me that the residual effects of the two red beer cups of wine have not in fact worn off.

Isla reads our message exchange and laughs a low, giggly, "evil plan" laugh.

"Yes, Nati! Be bold! He is totally in love with you!"

"No, he's not. Why wouldn't he just say something, if that were the case? This guy is not shy; he's, like, one-hundred percent comfortable in his own skin. Ugh!" I rub my temples dramatically.

I'm sure he does. Alex mirrors my winking emoji.

Isla and I snicker together over the response, but then I resume moaning over the gaping black abyss of space, time and unknowns between us.

"He's totally flirting with you. Just ask him if he's single! He opened the conversation for that question."

"I will not!" I'm aware we are both practically yelling, our voices echoing through the bright, empty restroom. "I've been shot down enough this year!"

An overly make-uped, thin blonde woman with a turned up nose strolls in as I make my declaration; I look at her, whip my head back to Isla and explode into giggles.

"We have to go back—they are going to leave us here at the restaurant!" I exclaim, suddenly panicked.

We jog back to the table, where the rest of our friends are still chatting away. There is an arm wrestling match going on at one corner of the table.

"Okay, who's next?" Trenton calls. "I'm undefeated so far."

"Nati!" Isla volunteers me on random impulse.

"What? No," I counter.

"She is super strong."

Screw it. Mildly uncomfortable with the attention but hyped up from the exchange from Alex, I take my place across from Trenton and almost beat him at arm wrestling. Everyone is cheering me on.

"Jesus! You are strong," he concedes after finally beating me. His face is flushed from the effort.

"She's a badass," Isla informs him. "And she lifts weights."

I do a face palm, embarrassed, but my heart dances with love for Isla, who cracked me out of my shell.

* * *

The morning after our Italian dinner excursion, Elia, Isla and I eat a long breakfast together, and then I wander around campus to bid farewell to all my friends in various dorm buildings before shuttling to the airport. I see Kamden, who gives me a long, warm hug. Next I drop by for a brief conversation with Ethan, and as we engage, I feel relieved that things are just sort of... bland and even between us. I think we were both able to move on.

As I'm about to head out, he looks at me and opens his mouth as if he has something to say, but his lips catch in a half-open position. I freeze mid-stride and wait.

"I'm sorry about what transpired with you and me. I haven't been in a great place, mentally, this year."

"Oh." I waver, unsure of how to respond. Do I owe him an apology, too? Everything that happened between us feels faraway and hazy. "It's okay."