𝐑𝐎𝐂𝐊𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐑 𝐌𝐀𝐃𝐄 ; Bill Kaulitz

𝐑𝐎𝐂𝐊𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐑 𝐌𝐀𝐃𝐄 ; 09

TW; depression, use of substance's, suicidal thoughts and acts.

This has been the longest two months of my entire life, let's recap on everything that's happened, shall we? Ever since that interview went down and I cussed out the host and explained how I really feel the entire media, my entire fan based turned on me, they went far by leaking my phone number, my address, my credit card information, etc. Who helped them with this? My mom, everything was so confusing at first, I didn't know that speaking about my feelings would cause my entire life to fall down.

During these two months my grandmother has unfortunately passed away, it's been hard for me but the band has been helping me recover, thank God I have them in my life. I've been living with my biological dad, he's been comforting me I'm so thankful that the first I thing did when I got money was help my dad, he means so much to me. Although, I spend most of my days alone at home because my father travels around the world as his job and it does make good money, but I've been doing things I shouldn't be doing.

Seeing the media put out lies about me, comment about me hasn't been helping at all, hate as a celebrity is worse then any form of school bullying there is, and I mean this. Now that I'm processing everything thats been happening let's see what today brings me.

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I woke up this morning, I walk out my bedroom and of course my dad isn't there, he left me a note before he left about where he was and how long he'd be gone, he left me food to fill me up until he comes back in another month. I made myself a protein shake and sat down in the living room, turning on the TV and flipping to the news to see if I was still all over the television because it seems like everytime the drama has finally died down another lie is told. I read the subtitle, my heart dropped.

'Crybaby aka Genesis Mejia has been reported going to Tokio Hotel's home without consent, breaking in and apparently stealing.' I was shocked when I read that, I was confused what the hell was happening? The band knows I was there, I was there with them are they going to deny these obligations? I was thinking deeply, I turned off the television and I just began to think then it hit me. There wasn't anything they could do, the press don't take 'No' for an answer, I sighed and just chugged down my shake.

At this point, I give up on everything this famous stuff isn't for me. I seriously don't know how much longer I can take, I am only 15 years old after all. I took a shower, got dressed and cleaned the house so I can make time fly by faster. After 5 hours I took another shower and got dressed. I wore jean bell bottoms and a blank tank top, I grabbed a black bag and put everything I usually do then I put sandles on and for the first time in awhile I left my father's house. I locked the door behind me and got a taxi to the mall, I already had a feeling what was going to happen.

When I got there the press were also there, I assumed another celebrity was there so I got out and grabbed my jacket that I brought, I put it on and put the hood on then made my way pass the press and into the mall. When I was in the mall I took my hood off and unzipped the jacket walking around the mall. I noticed some smoke shops I didn't know that stuff was legal, I did have a fake ID but I wasn't going to do something dumb, all so I thought. I walked into the Walgreens that was in the mall and made my way into the medication isle.

I grabbed many of them and checked out, it cost me nearly $200 but I didn't mind, the cashier looked at me and raised an eyebrow, I avoid eye contact with her and grabbed my bags walking out of the Walgreens. I made my way to the doors completely forgetting to put my hood back on, the press saw me and started surrounding me. I groaned and just walked through the crowd, they were trying to grab me, push me back and accuse me of things I didn't do. I felt like being funny but I didn't, I caught a taxi and made my way home.

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I've been taking the medications like crazy, I started feeling weird, I felt like I had no purpose in being in this world, I've been thinking about death a lot recently and even tried to overdose on the medication. I started drinking from my dad's expensive alcohol shelf, I finsihed 5 bottles in 2 days and the hangovers made me want to jump off a building. I looked at myself in the mirror today, I looked different.

My eyes were red, I had purple and black eyebags, my lips were cracked, I looked like I have been doing meth and cocaine for years. My hair was all knotted up and messed up, my scalp was bleeding from me picking my scalp raw, I looked rough. It was late at night, around 2 in the morning, I put on sweatpants and a black jacket, I cleaned up all my mess and threw it away in a dump, then I walked to a really high building and began to walk up the stairs.

I got through the 50 flights of stairs, I was finally at the top. I stood at the edge and looked down, I began to think what would happened if someone pushed me off or if the wind got heavier and I just flew off. I took a step closer at the near edge, I closed my eyes and then someone grabbed me yanking me back, I looked back and it was the security of the building, they put me in handcuffs and brought me to the police station.

I was now in a questioning room with another police officer, I saw the camera in the corner and I kept glaring at it a couple of times. I took off my hood and the police man looked at me and raised his eyebrow. "Ma'am have you been doing illegal substances." He asked me and I shook my head slowly, my body started shaking and when I spoke I was stuttering and talking slow.

"Why do you look so rough then, you are 15 years old correct?" The police officer asked I nodded my head and set my hands on the table, my knuckles were pale and red. "I've just.. been taking a lot of medication and started d.. drinking sir." I said zoning out and staring at my hands, the image of how I looked in the mirror and the way my body looked, I windend my eyes. "What have I been doing to myself.. I'm a celebrity.. I'm messing myself up." I cried to the officer before crying, I hid the face and cried silently.

The police officer left and a lady came in and sat across from me. She was my new helper, she would be living with me and help me get over my addiction.

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