Just Kiss Me Already

Chapter 9 -

Toby had gone home around midnight last night after watching a movie with me and somehow got me to sleep. School would be over in two hours, give or take. I decided to get ready and eat some breakfast.

Finding what to wear took me an hour and a half and so since my hair was already wavy I just wore it down. I was wearing a light purple thigh length dress with a black belt just under my rib cage and matching flats. I quick put on makeup and then heard Toby come in. I decided I'd just skip breakfast. I grabbed my phone and he met me at the top of the stairs.

"Loving the purple!" He said smiling at me. "School is so boring without you, ya know. Thank goodness it's Friday!"

"Aww does somebody miss me!" I teased him.

"Stop it." He said sarcastically and his cheeks flushed red. "So, ready to shop til you drop?"

"Absolutely! Just let me grab my bag." He helped me down the stairs and we went to his car outside my house. We drove in happy silence to the mall and went into tons of stores coming up empty handed. Too blue, too sparkly, too long, too short.

We exhausted all the options.

"Want to get some dinner?" Toby asked me.

"Sure, why not?"

He drove me to a fancy restaurant and we sat at a table set for two. The waiter came to our table and brought us some bubbly drinks that tasted like bits of heaven. We decided to skip dinner and just get dessert. Toby ordered raspberry cheesecake and I ordered a chocolate cherry torte.

"So, have you been feeling any better lately?" Toby asked cautiously. I knew he meant mentally not physically. I'm not really sure how I felt, to be honest. I had just pushed all that to the back of my head until now.

"It never really goes away, so I guess I'm exactly where I was before.." I trailed off. I stared at my plate pushing around what was left of the torte.

"Hey, cheer up. It will get better, I promise." He reached across the table to hold my hand. I peeked up at him and saw him smiling encouragingly at me. I couldn't help but smile back. "Have you heard from your mom..?" I winced when he said mom and he looked like he wished he could take the question back.

I got choked up a minute and started to feel the anxiety rushing through me, although he had no clue, my hands shook just the slightest and I felt like I was suffocating again. "No." I forced out, somehow managing to make it sound normal.

"I'm sorry I asked that." He put his hand over his face and closed his eyes. He shook his head at himself all the while the room began to fuzzy on the edges for me. I honestly felt like I was dying. The last thing I remember is Toby asking me if I'm okay.

__________

Waking up in your bed after having a panic attack and passing out at a restaurant is quite terrifying. One minute you're laughing and eating and the next you're drowning in your own thoughts until they pull you under.

"Toby?"

I had no clue what time it is or how exactly I ended up back here.. I stood and walked over to my dresser where my alarm was. Eleven p.m... Toby would be at home and so I'll have to talk to him tomorrow. I tried to go back to sleep, but I knew sleep would never come. I caved. I pulled out a book, Inkheart, and read all through the early morning hours. Drifting in and out of thought.