🍃𝑻𝒉𝒐𝒖𝒈𝒉𝒕𝒔/𝔓𝔬𝔢𝔪𝔰 🍃

ℭ𝔞𝔳𝔢𝔱𝔬𝔴𝔫 <3 // 27.07.2023 ; 03:07am

I dont know, he is....comfort. He understands. I feel save with his music.

He's trans, too. He gives me hope. He's aro. He shows that you can have a great life even if you dont fall in love. He makes sure that you know that its okay if you are mentally ill.

probably it is fucking hard to be thay role model. I would hate it. Too much pressure.
But I can't help seeing him as....a safe space? A idol? A parent figure (as absurd as it may sound)? A friend?

I have no clue. But I know that he makes me feel save and loved and accepted, and thats something I don't feel often. Not with my parents and classmates.

Not even with my grandma, who helped me through my hardest times and who I am helping through her hardest time. The one who loves me "like her child, maybe even more". I still am not myself around her. Not 100%

It's so sad. I feel so disrespectful. She does so much for me, yet I don't give her anything back, simply because I don't know how.

But she likes cavetown, too. That's great. She said she would go to a cavetown concert with me.

Maybe we can do that one day, but maybe....maybe not. Maybe it is too late. Maybe she'll die. Maybe she'll never be mobile again. Idk.

I'm scared. I can just hope. And cavetown gives me hope. So I listen to cavetown.