A Few Steps To Your Heart

Chapter 17

Georgia sighed, shaking her head. Gavin was simply impossible to get through. When he set his mind to something, it was clear he would not break no matter how many times he was asked. She guessed it was a good quality to have when it came to his job. He wouldn't so easily give up, and he would find the answers people sought, but he wasn't working as a detective anymore. He was just Gavin, not that there was anything wrong with that, but he needed to see what his actions led to, which was just more pain. Georgia wanted him to put those pictures up again because she was sure his mother truly wanted them there, that they were a little light in the dark world she found herself in as well. She knew those pictures brought her joy as she could remember a time when Gavin was happy, but he refused. It made little sense to her though, since Gavin never left the room anyway, so what was the problem in hanging them up again? Why couldn't they compromise and allow his parents to enjoy those old pictures of him? Why couldn't he give in and just do this for them?

"Why are you so stubborn?" she asked.

"Good question."

"Do it for your parents."

"No."

"Gavin!"

"Yes?"

"Do it for your parents," she tried again.

"No."

"But it makes them happy, and it is not like it will bother you. You don't even have to look at them," she said. "So what is the problem?"

"It gives them hope," he said.

"Hope?"

"Yes, it gives them hope."

"I don't understand. Is hope a bad thing?" she asked.

"It is in this case."

"How so?"

"Because I don't want them to walk around thinking there might be hope for me."

Georgia sighed, getting tired of this discussion, but she wasn't going to let him win. So, she grabbed a chair and placed it beside him again, turning towards him. Gavin watched her, his eyebrow slightly raised, using his annoyed look to keep the distance between them, but she was not going to allow him to scare her away. He was going to listen to her. He was going to see why those pictures were a small thing he could give his parents since he clearly was determined to be difficult otherwise.

"But there is hope for you," she said. "Even if you never walk again."

"What if I don't want there to be?" he asked.

"Don't talk like that."

"Why?"

"Because it's the depression talking. Not you. You wouldn't have spoken those words if you were back on your feet again, and there might even be a chance you can be," she explained to him.

"Georgia, it's none of your business whether those pictures are on the wall or not," he snapped.

"I know it isn't, but your parents are trying hard. Why can't you try hard too?" she asked.

"It's really none of your business," he told her.

"I know you don't like looking into your past, but your parents do. They like to remember the old you."

"I don't want them to remember the old me. The old me is dead."

His voice was so cold and dark, and Georgia saw how deep his sadness went, his despair. She saw how much he was hurting, and she was unsure how she could make things better for him. Clearly, he wasn't going to give up the pictures' location, so she didn't know what else to do. She turned to look at the rain still falling outside and how dark it looked. Despite the thunder she was not very happy about, she did like the view of the rain and hearing it hit the glass. There was something soothing about it, and a small smile spread on her lips as she watched the rain continue to come down and change the world from a dry one to a wet one.

"I still think you should do this for your parents," she urged.

"No."

"Your past isn't a dark cloud. It doesn't have to be, and you really don't leave this room," she pressed, turning to Gavin, who looked at her as well, but he was tired of hearing how she kept saying he wasn't leaving his room and, therefore, shouldn't have an opinion about whether those pictures should be up or not. Gavin pushed back, turning his chair and then began rolling away.

"Gavin? Where are you going?"

Georgia was so confused by the sudden turn of events. She had not expected that he would turn his chair and then begin rolling towards his door. She thought at first he was going to kick her out, not wanting to talk more to her and finding her too annoying, but then he surprised her as he opened the door to his room and rolled outside. Georgia looked after him shocked before she hurried to stand and ran after him. She caught up with him further into the hallway where he simply stopped. She looked confused at his back, unsure why he had stopped in the middle of it all. She watched him for a few seconds, then came closer slowly. He didn't move, and she ended up on his side, seeing the way he was looking straight ahead, but his breathing was fast, and there was a lost look in his eyes as he sat there.

Gavin had not expected how hard it would hit him. There was a reason why he never left the room because the moment he did, he was again reminded of the past and the good times. He was reminded of how he used to live his life in this house. He was reminded of when he was a kid running around, and it hurt him deep in his heart knowing he would never be the kid who ran around anymore. He wouldn't climb the stairs anymore. He wouldn't... do any of the things he loved anymore. He felt the panic spread inside of him. He felt the world almost turn a little to the side, and the tears threatened to spill. He leaned forward, covering his eyes with his hand, not wanting to cry. He had not expected how hard it would be. He had not known how much space it would take up inside of him just to leave his room. When Georgia kept pushing him, all he wanted was to just make her stop talking and end the discussion, but leaving, he thought he could make the talk end, he had just not taken into account how difficult it would be for him. He felt his heart breaking again. He felt it as if he was back in the hospital bed, and the doctors told him how he would forever be changed. That he would never walk again. He couldn't take it. The past and present mixed together as he began breathing faster and faster, feeling like he couldn't get enough air into his lungs.

Georgia noticed the many changes happening in Gavin, and when he covered his eyes, she knew he was on the verge of breaking. She had not expected leaving his room would have such a profound effect on him, but she saw he was confronting a dark part of himself, and it was hurting him deeply. It was making him face something that he was just not ready to face. Georgia didn't know what else to do but try to keep him grounded, so she bent down and wrapped her arms around him. She was unsure if he would push her away, but he leaned against her, staying quiet, as he took his time to gather himself. Georgia kept holding onto him, wanting to let him know he wasn't alone, and she was right there with him. She wouldn't let him go until he pulled away from her. He would let her know when he was prepared to come back to reality because, in that moment, it did feel like neither of them were very present. It did feel as if they were both frozen and just leaning on each other for strength. Georgia was surprised as well by how much she had needed a hug too. She didn't live that close to her parents anymore, and she didn't want to bother them with this. She feared if she acted as worried as she was, it would only make them worry even more. It would make it harder on all of them, and she would rather be the one to carry the burden when it came to this. Her parents were good people, and they didn't deserve to walk around worried all the time. Or maybe she just wasn't ready to face their worry too. Maybe she could only handle so much and therefore wanted to do this on her own. She was unsure, but she stopped thinking too much about it and focused instead on Gavin.