A Portal of Entrancingly Woven Stories

│3│April's Dust

The memories that were once sweet and cherished are now tainted and worn, buried deep beneath the dust of the past. 

At the tender age of ten, I stumbled upon her for the very first time at the neighborhood playground. She was perched on a swing, motionless like a statue, except for the occasional blinking that convinced me she was a living, breathing being. Intrigued, I decided to abandon my playmates and tiptoed toward her, hiding behind a cluster of red peonies. I couldn't help but feel captivated by her presence; she was a child just like me, yet she remained aloof from the other kids. My mind was consumed with curiosity, wondering why she chose to stay disconnected from the rest of the world.

Deep within the recesses of my thoughts, there resides a profound feeling of sadness that is difficult to unearth. It hangs in the atmosphere like an oppressive weight, refusing to dissipate.

As a child, I was immediately captivated by her striking red hair, which seemed to glow like fire in the sunlight, and her piercing green eyes which held a mysterious depth. Yet, as the years passed, I came to realize that approaching her had been a grave mistake. Though I take full responsibility for my actions, the weight of my regret has only grown heavier with time.

I decided to be conspicuous and reveal myself but like a carved porcelain doll, she held no apparent emotion. It was as if she didn't even notice me even though my feet were audibly crunching the autumn leaves, walking near her. 

I sat beside her on the swing, waiting for the opportune moment to speak. Despite her apparent distraction, I held steadfast in my resolve to break the silence. When an autumn leaf landed on her head, I refrained from removing it, biding my time. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, I summoned the courage to speak.

"You have beautiful hair," I said.

As soon as I caught her attention, her petite head lifted, and her vibrant red bangs that adorned the sides of her face gently moved away, revealing her delicate features and allowing me to admire her stunning countenance. I paused for a brief moment to admire her captivating emerald eyes. They were so alluring and enticing that I couldn't take my eyes off them. As I finally averted my gaze, I couldn't help but recall the charming freckles that were evenly dispersed across her T-zone, accentuating her little nose.

I can't help but wonder what kind of impression I will make on her in the future. Will she be completely unaffected by my presence once again, or will something change? Only time will tell, but her lack of reaction has left me with a sense of anticipation for what's to come.

As I try to recollect the past, a surge of memories rushes into my mind, overwhelming me. You left me hanging in a surly abyss of heartache that I can never unravel from.

The moment I laid my eyes on her, I could sense that something was off. Her lips were pressed tightly together, and her eyes held a gloomy, faraway look as if she were staring into the abyss. Despite her somber expression, her face remained motionless, like a statue carved out of granite. 

It was clear to me that I needed to do something to break through her impenetrable facade. But what? Telling a joke seemed too conventional, and I needed something more daring. I remembered how once, I had reached out to touch her cheek, and that had elicited a response. So, without thinking twice, I stretched out my arm and brushed my fingers against her skin, hoping to provoke a reaction.

There is that budding weight I cannot shake. And as the sadness creeps in silently, it leaves a vacant lot within me.

She leaped up and stared at me, wide-eyed as if I had only spawned magically in front of her eyes. I shouldn't have done that. Her eyes which were bored to me glumly had just been gifted souls and were now looking at me with credulous, bewildered emotion. She appeared more human now despite looking distraught.

"I-I'm sorry, I didn't mean to..."

"Don't..." She abruptly stopped as if startled. Then, her gaze averted from me to elsewhere.

"Don't...?" I carefully trailed off.

"Don't come near me," she replied breathlessly, rendering me speechless.

The dust settles on my heart, casting a heavy burden. 

She was standing, her eyes pooled wary and looking somewhere else while I kept frozen on the swing. She seemed lost in her thoughts, with her eyes fixed on some distant point. Her expression was guarded and cautious as if she was uncertain about something. Meanwhile, I remained motionless, unsure of what to do or say. The air was tense and heavy with implicit words, creating a discomfiting atmosphere.

Yet through the hazy dust, I continue to cling to the hope of love, so wholly, unadulteratedly.

At the time, I figured it was because I startled her and scared her -- but looking back now, there was a more in-depth reason why she was reacting that way. Without warning, she bolted away, as if she was being pursued by an invisible assailant. As I gazed upon the tracks that lay before me, I couldn't help but notice the faint imprints of her footsteps. 

The dust stirred with each step she took, creating a hazy air that lingered around me. She had just left, leaving me all alone with nothing but my inner turmoil and myself to keep me company. I couldn't help but feel responsible for her departure, for the hurt that she must have felt to leave me behind.

In the end...

I continue to long for the days when love was still in the air that is now just a distant dream that's buried beneath the dust of despair.

~