On Tour ~ [Tom Kaulitz]

[6] Shattered

It has been nine days since I arrived at the tour bus, and I'm slowly getting used to the touring life and getting the hang of their routines. In the morning, it's usually Gustav who is up first and wakes the rest when he takes his shower. Bill gets out to start his day with coffee —if not, he'll be an ass for the rest of the day— and I'm usually the third to get out of bed. 

Getting dressed is something the boys all just do around each other, I am the only one who changes in the bathroom. Unless they all leave early, and I have the whole bus to myself. Baking an egg in nothing but my underwear while blasting my favorite songs is the best feeling, I must say.

Robert, the bus driver, is a nice guy. He always stays in a hotel whenever he isn't driving, which isn't so weird when you share a bus with five teenagers. Sometimes he leaves a note on the door when he knows I'm going out, telling me to make sure the door is properly closed when I leave.

I get along with the boys, if you don't count Tom. His attitude hasn't changed one bit since I arrived and has, in fact, even gotten worse. When I'm not around, I can hear him joking and laughing sometimes, but it happens rarely. Most of the time he's quiet and watching everyone from a distance.

He never really pays attention to me, as if I am a ghost. I believe he likes to think of me as invisible, imagining I'm not there. I have learned to ignore the shoving past me or disgusting looks he gives me, and try to enjoy every other bit of this journey.

Some days the boys are out all day to practice, or when they have interviews. Other days they spend most of their time sleeping. But sometimes they rehearse one day ahead, and have the rest of their evening free to go out. They like to party, is something I have learned.

"Wait until the actual tour starts, that's when the real party begins." Bill told me two days ago. They start their tour slowly, but the further they get into the shows, the more the pressure on them grows. "Then we party until four in the morning, living on two hours of sleep."

We're currently in Germany for a show, and they have decided to hang out with some of their friends. Bill wanted me to come along, to get more insight of their normal life.

They would come pick us up on their motorcycles —how cool—, and stop by a night café to maybe have a drink, smoke, and just laugh a lot. I didn't leave friends behind when I left to tour with Bill, I had left them months before that. I closed myself off to the world, and this tour was like a new chance to me. An opportunity to find myself again.

It felt so unreal that I could let myself go, because who cared? Everything stupid I did one day, I would leave in that exact city and move on to the next. Everything stayed hidden, all we could do was live in the moment. Which is why I decided that parties, even if I hadn't been to any for months, were a great way to enjoy my summer.

~

"You know you'll be cold in that, right?" Bill says as he points at my crop top. "You think?" Bill hums, "those café's leave their doors open, I suggest wearing that long sleeved shirt you got the other day."

"The white one?" I ask, but Bill shakes his head. "Black one. But bring the white one in case you need an extra layer."

Bill's sense of style was incredible. He himself had a bold, but enchanting alternative style. He has a great opinion when it comes to outfits, I never deny any of his suggestions. If he weren't a singer, he would have made it far in the fashion industry. His outfits were always daring, they always had been. As a young kid he had to learn to ignore people with a negative opinion, and I couldn't be more proud of how far he has come.

I changed into a black, flared-sleeved shirt. It's shoulderless but warm enough for the night. A simple, low-waisted pair of jeans would do just fine. When I close the leather belt I decided to wear at the last minute, Bill walks in looking for me. "Hurry, they're here. Is that mine?" I look down at the belt with the large skull on the front. "Uh, no?" I smile innocently to be more convincing.