a work of art

chapter 31: girlfriend or girl that's a friend

A/N: Y'all knew it was gonna get crazy after the last chapter. Happy weekend, have some pain!

TRIGGER WARNING:
- graphic description of a panic attack

——————————————————————

Billie POV

I closed the bathroom door behind me, and leaned against it. A second later, I thought about it, and turned the lock.

I felt shaky. Sweaty, from the incredible orgasm Claire had just given me. But shaky from the shit I witnessed after.

Lucy. My Lucy, having the most intimate sexual moment I'd ever seen, but not with me.

I suppose that isn't fair. She and I had had many, many moments like that. Deeply intimate, intense, fulfilling moments that no one but us got to experience. Moments that made me understand her love for me, and mine for her.

Maybe that's how I recognized it, as an outsider looking in. I'd laid there, in the aftermath of deep pleasure, and watched as Claire and Lucy... made love. There was nothing else to call it. It wasn't just that they touched softly, or kissed deeply... it was the way they made eye contact, the way they clutched at each other with need. It was how Lucy cradled Claire in her arms, kissing her shoulders, her cheeks with heartbreaking tenderness. It was so desperately beautiful and sweet.

And I had nothing to do with it.

As long as I'd known her, I could see that Lucy was the type of person that radiated love and affection. She tried her hardest to come off as aloof, tough, sometimes even unfeeling. But people are just drawn to her. They want to be around her, talk to her... and touch her.

The way Claudia held her hand so easily at shows, snuggled and hugged her like they were lovers. How even Finneas was taken by her, sat close to her every chance he got in comfortable silence. He opened up to her easily and quickly, despite choosing his close circle extremely carefully. It was only in a friendship capacity, but still.

And don't get me started on Lee. I'm lowkey convinced those two have fucked at least once.

But she didn't return their affection as easily or as fully. She may reciprocate, but only to a point, and she almost never initiated. If she sat in comfortable isolation on one end of a couch, give it ten minutes, and the person on the other end would have moved into her lap.

She only initiated with me, and she did it all the time. She touched me, held me, kissed me every moment she had an opportunity to. I was the only one on her radar. Or so I thought.

I knew she liked Claire, that she was attracted to her, but mostly just that she loved their friendship. But she was totally unaware of how much Claire liked her. Day after day, while Claire stayed with us, I watched her just fuckin' pine for her. She followed Lucy around the house like a goddamn puppy, touching her hair, making her food, hugging her just because over and over.

But I didn't think it went that deep, for either of them, so I didn't let it bother me. I assumed that for the most part, Claire was just drawn to the magnetic energy Lucy seemed to emit. And in return, I thought Lucy merely wanted Claire for sex. But now I knew better; I'd just had a front row seat to just now deep it actually went.