a work of art

chapter 36: kinds of love and kink

"Okay, favorite city?"

I squinted at the leaves above me, my hands lifted above my head to catch the breeze. "Paris."

"So romantic," Claire teased. She grabbed one of my floating hands, and brought it to her mouth. "But let me guess... for the museums."

I grinned sheepishly. "Of course."

We were lying on our backs on a blanket, underneath a lovely old tree we'd found, somewhere in Wales. Billie had a meeting that morning, and Claire and I couldn't stand to sit inside anymore. We'd rented some bikes in town and taken off, not following a map.

"Your turn," she murmured.

"Ok. Favorite... album?"

She chuckled. "You know that one. Anything by Joni Mitchell."

I nodded. I did know that. "I'm sleepy."

"We are not athletic people," she laughed. "Biking is tiring."

"Billie would've been riding in circles around us and doing stupid stunts," I said with a grin. "She's a giant kid."

"I love that about her," Claire smiled, too. "She's so fun. Oh, she'd also definitely be getting hurt."

I rolled to my side and brushed the ever present mop of hair back from her eyes. She smiled sweetly at me and my heart melted.

"You love Billie, don't you?" I asked softly.

She nodded. "Very much."

There was something that had been eating at me lately. Claire and I had been spending an increasing amount of time together, and I was falling for her more with each day. I was beginning to see the difference between my relationship with Claire and Bill's relationship with Claire.

"Do you love her... differently than you love me?"

She turned her head to look up at the swaying branches above us. I squeezed her hand, waiting.

"I think so... I think, in general, we each have a different relationship."

I watched her watch the tree. I reached out with my free hand and ran my finger across her freckled cheek. "Care to elaborate?"

"Well... Billie and I have a sweet, simple relationship. We've known each other a long time, we've liked each other a long time... the first time we kissed she was 16. That's crazy! And we have the musician kinship thing. I don't know. She really knows me and we're best friends, too."

I nodded, though she didn't look at me. "I love your relationship. It's so silly and fun."

Claire smiled, nodding up at the tree. "Exactly. And, I'm wildly attracted to her. Like, go blind with lust, feel like I 'lose all control of my body at the sight of her naked' kind of attraction. You get it."

I laughed. "Oh, I get it..."

It was quiet for a moment, and we just lay still, holding hands and listening to the breeze rustle the leaves of the tree.

"And you and I...?" What I really wanted to hear about.

She turned her head to look at me. She bit her lip, mulling her answer over. "You're..."

She paused, shook her head, looked back up at the tree.

"That's it?" I pressed.

"Lucy, I don't have words for what you and I are..."

I swallowed; I completely understood. I didn't know what we were either. I remembered telling Billie weeks ago that what I felt for Claire was high school love, like a ghost of what I felt for her. I knew I still didn't love her as much I loved Bill... but it was much more than high school love, now. And I knew at the end of tour, I would be in a world of pain.