Admiral ✓ (Completed, Review In Progress)

Chapter 33

He mixes his coffee.

"Your mom made sure I don't spend more than 10 minutes with you here and she told me to leave the door open .gosh." He rolls his eyes.

Yes as expected from a religious mom.

He looks at me analyzing my face.
"Hey , have you been crying?" He wipes my face with his thumb.

"No" I say , a wave of electricity passes though me. I've never felt sensitive to his touch before. I squeeze my pillow hard burrying my face in it hiding my tears.

"Your lying" he tells me frowning. He curls his palm on my shoulder. "Leah talk to me" he whispers in my ear. "Its James isn't it"

I nodd squishing more of my face inside the pillow. Pressing my nose on it.

"did he hurt u ? Did he say something? What did he do ?" I feel his eyes ripping through my troubled face for answers.

I burst out.

"Steve I- whenever I read these letters it seems asif I'm reading my feelings for James written in these pages" I confess.

If theres a person who I can trust fully as a friend it has to be Steve now. He has never let me down before. And I don't think he will start now.

"Are u kidding me" he gets mad. "Are you fucking kidding me ? Is he so worth it ? That you cry over him like this ? Does he care about you more than your mom does? Does he care about you more than God does ?". He pauses for a second. "Does he care about you more than I do ?" he looks down.

I stay silent because I know the answer is no.

"Then why do you even think about him ? Why are you choosing to remember him over and over again when he clearly ignroed you ?When he showed no sign of interest-"

"He did show interest" I cut in. "he did give me signs that he likes me, Steve he cares about me , why else do you think I am still liking him because I have hope Steve that someday he's going to look at me the way I look at him".

I just need a trigger to expose what I really felt. To discover what I felt deep down. Deep down I was convinced James liked me. That's why I was building feelings for him without guarding my heart. How foolish of me.

I sip my coffee and he looks at me. Pressing his lips together. Looks asif he wants to tell something but he Won't.

"Those are just excuses , when you were crying who was there for you ? Was he there ?. Back when you're dad left and your grades dropped down ? Who was there for you Leah was he there ?. I was there , your mom she was there. Every time your crying over him you know who's getting hurt ? I am getting hurt Leah , I can't see you cry. Stop overthinking , don't think about the possibly open your eyes to the reality . Open your eyes Leah don't be delusional" he shakes my shoulder.

I was loosing grip of the coffee in on my lap. I held it so firmly. Wake back to reality Leah. Wake back to-

Tears come out again.

"I don't understand why am I so sad , so depressed. I feel like I have something missing."

"Its your dad Leah"

I jump.

"You are missing your dad , you have to admit he was a good dad as long as he was with you wasn't he ?" He leaned back. "You've told me a lot about him, He expects perfection , he's the reason why you study well , why you are not distracted. Tell me how will your dad deal with you when he comes to know about you crying over James like that ? , you see your dad in him don't you Leah ?".

I jump , I've never thought of it that way. James resembles my dad , the way he looks is like my dad. Those dimples , just like my dad. Those specs , just like my dad. The way he behaves is just like my dad. Someone who is so close , yet so far away. That's how I feel towards my dad and James.

This whole time I wasn't crying over James. I was crying because I miss my dad. I was crying because, I want my dad. Tears roll out my eyes even more. Ive confused everything. I mixed my love for my dad with my love for james. He was a cruel man. He cheated on my mom ,abandoned us. But he did send a million for mom to open a fashion brand which my mom is working on. Time to time she'd Come and show me her clothes designs and ask me which one looks better or asks me critiques and stuff.

I lean my head on Steve's shoulder. He started patting my head as I let out a sob, his touch comforts me. I need to see him , I want to find my dad. I will find him.

"Aren't you going to meet your parents today ?" I ask him blinking several times.
"or are my parents coming to meet me ?" He asks me.

"What do you mean ?"
"haven't you noticed the shifting process in the house right opposite to yours"

"I did" but I was too worked up to notice and inquire.
"Well I'm moving in nearby" he says rubbing his hair from behind , his cheeks going pink.
"Oh my god" I whisper."oh my god"yell and I grin "you've got to be kidding me thats so cool , literally the biggest christmas surprise". He gives me a wide grin.
"my mom knew about this ?"
"She did , but I told her not to tell you because this was supposed to be a secret" I smile.

I thought he wanted to spend his Christmas this year with me because I spent thanksgiving holidays in this place. And I have to admit , I had lots of fun. His mom complimented me that I look like a model. I blushed ,5'2" is not a models height but a compliment is a compliment.

I hold his hand.

"We are going to be spending so many days together as friends" I grin.

"As friends...." He says in a soft voice and looks down and smiles.

"Leah Steve , come down we have visitors"

"It must be my mom and dad I'm sure about that let's go" Steve looks excited so do I. We rush down gulping our down.

I grin looking at Steve's parents. "Mr. and Mrs. Brown" I say as I place the coffee cup on the dining table where they were seated.
"Leah honey" Marilyn Brown, Steve's mom grinned.