AGAIN || MAYBE IN ANOTHER LIFE /Charles Leclerc/

Chapter 14

Celine

Now

I resigned, smoked nearly two packets of cigarettes, and while Charles' words echoed in my head I had started laughing nervously. The laugh however had soon turned into a desperate cry. I spent three hours seated on the kitchen floor and I have no intention to get my shit together.

I need Max, but he took off last night with Kelly and P for a little family trip before the season starts. I should say to Liam I'm not going to make it for lunch, but when I take the phone I can't help but press on Max's contact and start a call.

"Hello." P's little voice make's its way to my ear, I smile a bit trying to calm my breathing. I don't want her to hear me crying. "Hello Pen, is Maxie there?" There's a moment of silence, I'm not even sure she recognised my voice.

"Celine! Max's running after our dog, you should see him!" Her little laugh fills my heart, but I still can't find the strength to have a proper conversation with the girl. "Can you call him for me P?" She simply says yes and after a minute my best friend's voice reaches my end of the phone.

"Hey Lin, what's up?" If I hold the tears back with Penelope I'm not able to do so with him.
"He was here, he... I can't Max, I feel like I'm gonna die." Everything is spinning again, my vision is blurry. "What the fuck happend?"

I take a deep breath and try to explain to him everything me and Charles said a few hours ago, he simply listens patiently until I'm done. "Do you want me to come back?" No of course not, but I don't need to answer him, he just asked because he knows he won't have to come.

"He told me New York changed me! How am I supposed to tell him it scares the shit out of me being in the same room he's in?" No one knows, eventually I'll just have to do it, but right now that is not a possibility.
"I'm miserable, I can't do anything else apart from cry." I'm so busy talking nonsense to him that I don't even notice my dad entered the house and is standing in front of me.

"My dad's here, I'll call you later." My dad has a scared expression written on his face, he puts his hands on my arms helping me up.

"Alright Cel, everything's fine. Come on." But he knows nothing's fine. His eyes are full of worry, it must be one of the worst feelings in the world watching your daughter slowly falling apart, not even trying to fight back anymore. "Crap, nothing's fine dad." Maybe it's time for someone in my family to know what happened two years ago.

"Celine... it's been a month and you told us nothing about New York. What happened to you Lee?" My father hasn't called me that since I was six years old. My heart aches even more. "I'm so sorry dad, I just wanted to try not to think about it for a while." I wish I could stop crying, put a smile on and go on like nothing happened. That's for sure what I would've done if no one had come to save me from myself.

"I didn't mean to hide it, I just thought that, if no one knew what happened, it would've been as if it never happened. That all of you would've treated me as always and not with pity..."
I never saw my dad throwing up, today was the first time. Pointless to say that everything I told him, he could've never imagined.

"If you want me out of here I get it, I kept you out of my life all this time. I deserve it." His head shakes. He can't even look at me, and that's when I realize that once more I messed everything up. "We must tell your mum, she should've been the first to know Celine!"

Maybe now that the truth is out, it's time for me to go back home. With the first flight I could be in my penthouse tomorrow morning at the latest.

"Did you talk with Charles? I saw him outside this morning, he was waiting for you." I nod, omitting that we did not really talk but more like shouted the whole time. "Maybe he could help you process this, he's been your boyfriend for so long... No one knows you better than him, a little chat could be helpful." A small smile opens in my face, how can he ask me to do that?

"I know it sounds crazy now, but don't clam up. He deserves a few words from the girl he had loved so much. You don't know how many times he came over after you left, asking how you were doing, telling us how much he was lost without the love of his life." He's right, Charles doesn't deserve to be treated like a did few hours ago. I have to put aside all my fears and face him.

"Try to do the right thing, whatever you choose I'm on your side."
After my dad told me everything he did, I rushed out of home.

He threw everything at me from a different point of view, making me feel stupid. Charles this morning just wanted to talk but I got scared and shutted him out, ending up shouting at him.

That's exactly why I didn't want to see him, because seeing him again means admitting that I missed him, but it also means reliving the moments my life changed forever: the shouts, the hands on me, blood, and his green eyes as the only thing I could see in the darkness.

I squeeze my eyes close, tears threatening to fall again. Nothing will get me back in time and avoiding him won't make me less scared. Avoiding him won't change what I still feel when he's around, and I hate myself for this. Anyway nothing will take me back in time, neither avoiding him nor fighting. When I get in the car adrenaline is flooding into my veins, but as soon as I'm seated I realize I don't really have anywhere to go and so I stop in a parking slot, turning the radio on.

Maybe I should apologize, after all I got back here to start over and it would be nice to not be hated by everyone. I don't know where Charles is leaving now, but I vaguely remember the street from the morning I was there with Liam.

That's the only place I know I could find him. Turns out I don't remember the place that well, and getting there takes me a few but after having wandered all around Monaco I finally recognise the building. In the entryway I'm welcomed by the doormen who's looking at me curiously.

"Bonjour madame, puis-je vous aider?" He asks me nicely If I need any help, which indeed I do. "I'm looking for Charles Leclerc, I'd like to speak to him." The man doesn't let me finish, adjusting his tie he keeps looking at me with a more serious look. Maybe he thinks I'm a fan.

"Mr. Leclerc is not here at the moment. Who's looking for him?" I haven't thought about the possibility of not finding him, why does there always have to be some complication? "An old friend." He probably does not believe me, annoyed by my presence.

"If it pleases you, I can tell Mr. Leclerc you wished to speak to him." Now it's obvious he wants me to go, and not waste any more of his time.

"Could you just tell him I'm sorry? My name is Celine." He writes down my words and my name. It's three in the afternoon and it has been the most intense day this month.