'Ugh! I've to prepare the PowerPoint again. Why is everything so difficult today?
'What I'm even expecting it's not new anyways. I do so much research to put information into a project but it just goes unnoticed. These managers don't even spare a minute for my ideas. What's the point of putting so much effort when nothing gets acknowledged...'
'I'm so pissed, I want to go home, sleep and cry.' - just thinking about all the work, I felt so overworked, I needed time to recuperate.
There was a time when I used to love working here. Every day was like a new day, a new adventure for me. Even though I made so many mistakes as a newbie, I was still able to enjoy my work. Working was never a problem for me, instead, I was always excited about all the things I can contribute to and work on.
Getting a job at Eagle Ransom Publishing House was my dream, until this dream became a reality but also a nightmare. After completing my internship at ERP, I decided to move ahead with the advertising department.
I first joined the company as an Editorial Intern but seeing my potential in ideas and active participation in book events, I was suggested to switch to advertising. My involvement in the projects and additional points helped me earn the offer letter for full-time employment in just a month. I was happy and was on cloud nine achieving everything and beyond.
But only if life was supposed to be an easy play, I got tricked into thinking that I'll flourish, perhaps I would have but circumstances were otherwise.
After joining the advertising department I was challenged with having an understanding of everything from scratch. This was impossible, how could I have known everything when my starting point was in a different area?
Anyhow, I learned and unlearned many things. How to prepare PowerPoint, use a font that is easy to read, and include monotones or single streaks of color tones to represent different points. Share information in bullet points and use more statistics and facts without filling up my personal opinions. And if my work is done, do more research and create calendars, events, and planning proposals to be ready for unforeseen campaigns. Do more Excel and present the data so that Managers don't feel confused about what we're working on and who we are targeting....and include all the jargons to avoid unprofessionalism. When I'm done with all of this, where to send the info was another stress point. As an employee, I'm not supposed to send the documents via WhatsApp or Messenger. Why? Because it will look unprofessional and it should be sent to the company mails to track every stuff that we've done and is in progress.
I though my work is done her but no, I had more things to experience. Now I have to communicate, and do outreach to keep the process in the loop.
And more work...
Doing all of this while also not feeling fulfilled, under a fixed payroll, and between daily reminders and the stress of getting old, I forgot I had to live too.
With this endless pressure of getting better, fighting through all the inner and outer demons, I'd to also please myself that 'I'm doing good in life.' But somehow I felt hollow why?
A desperation to earn enough so that I can afford the necessities in life. The more I think of it, the more useless it felt. With each passing day, it felt like I'm stuck in a loop that has no end.
Going through all of these rumbling thoughts, I kept on working on another Powerpoint. Preparing another proposal in the hopes that it will get noticed and I don't have to work more on it for at least another few months.
