I'm not real, life is not real, time is not real. Nothing is real. Everything is a dream, all in my head, everything i see in front of me is not reality, what is reality.. Does that even exist? Or is it what others make it to be. I am trapped IN MY MIND. PLEASE SOMEBODY LET ME OUT!!! I can't take this feeling anymore! I can't feel anything, nothing is real, nothing. I am telling YOU THIS. I MEAN IT!? CAN'T YOU HEAR ME? Oh wait, i almost forgot. I am what others make of me.. Which means even the person i see in the mirror is not ME. Who am i, what am i? Do i belong here? No.. I don't. Not even in the universe or galaxy! I belong nowhere near this horrible existence! Don't you get it...? It is all a dream, a movie. Predictable, and i watch it all come true. I am no human being, that may sound dumb-- but listen, please just LISTEN. I hear so many voices, so many fucking voices. My personality constantly changes, to match those around me.
I. AM. TRAPPED. And nobody even cares, if i even dare try to ask for help i am told BY MY OWN VOICES that i am seeking attention? But how.. HOW. i am like this when i am alone, WHO'S ATTENTION AM I SEEKING? Fucking god's? Who even is that. I don't see what others see in him. Please, i am begging you, someone, anyone, help me. I don't remember what i look like, what does real life even feel like? I don't know what i am supposed to feel like! Or -- i don't remember. Am i dead? Or am i in a dream? Time is not a thing for me anymore. The days pass away, maybe i am just a ghost watching what my life should have been like. This isn't much of a life after all. If this is everything that happened before i died, then i am glad i am dead. What is my purpose? Or am i even here? What can i TRUST? i can't trust anything, i can't trust anyone! It hurts, i feel so fucking alone. Please, make it stop.. Take this away. I want to be one who takes the pain away from everyone but..... A voice... Deep in my mind. Tells me to hurt others. It is not me though! Don't you get it!? I just want a normal life, feeling normal LOVE. With normal friendships! A normal appearance on this world! A chance to do everything right! But i don't belong here. There is no point in fucking caring anymore. I swear i could end my life at any given moment but... Something stops me. I don't remember my life at all, i don't remember anything, once again NOTHING FEELS REAL. i don't feel real.. I don't.. Am i insane? What is insanity.. Is the definition even the REAL definition? What is real.. Please. Tell me, i need to know. I want to know.. It is killing me. Like being punched in the guts a million times, non stop. It is so painful. I want to feel real, again..? I would do anything for it. I would do anything to be reliable, to not feel different from everything i make seem true. What do i have to do? I can't do anything, no no no no NO! You don't get it, i am losing everything, and everyone. Nothing surprises me, i know i have no control over anything that happens. It all just HAPPENS. And i know it is going to happen. I know i am going to die, or wait.. I might be dead already, and nobody even fucking knows that. You know, when people Ignore me. In a open group chat-- i honestly feel dead. Is that selfish? No not everyone has to talk to me but i feel myself going insane... It feels like i am a ghost trying to talk to people, but the talking is texting and somehow they don't see it... I am not worth being respected or even liked. So i don't do anything about it. I don't care enough, because i feel as if i am already dead. Or not there, this world would be so much better without me. I want to leave it all behind, if i did nothing would matter. Right? This world would carry on, everyone would move on. It would all be the same without me. I am already just watching everyone else. It's almost like i was never here at all. I can imagine a world without me in it so easily. And for as much as it fucking HURTS, i can't even imagine a happy life with me in it. But i can't just leave. I don't know why!? I want to know my purpose!!! Why am i here, WHY WAS I BROUGHT HERE. That's honestly a dumb question.. But do i care? No. Of course not. I want to fill in the blanks, of my missing life. To be surprised by something for once. Even when i don't expect something to happen and it does -- why don't i feel surprised? I didn't see it coming.... Yet i don't feel surprised at all. Life is so boring now. I know everyday will continue to be the same. Nothing will ever change, if it does. It is only a painful change. I don't see no good in this world for me. I am trapped. In this life. And it is not even mine. All i ask is for a savior.. Why. Why? Fucking WHY? I feel it.. Im going insane. There is nothing for me to do anymore. There is no point. I am sorry but this thing we call life is not for me. But until then.. I don't know what to do. Please. Before it's too late. Save me.
