Tasteful Darkness

Chapter 41

Balendin - Now

At first, all I feel is the water of the River welcoming me. Then all the pain cracks through my body like a bolt of lightning, so harsh that I nearly scream.

It's worse than I remember, but I spent years chasing away the feeling of it.

My body is being torn apart fiber by fiber, but death will never take me by the hand and free me. All I can do is desperately try to focus and keep swimming forward.

Emotionless faces pass me as I force myself onward, swimming with such intensity to prevent myself from registering the pain. But my efforts are useless. The pain morphs with every stroke, from building inside of my chest in an exhausting ache to cracking against my skull like an iron hammer.

My gaze narrows in on the glowing soul. I'm magnetized to it, my body clawing at the dark waters to get to it, as if the moment I'm near the light, it will chase the pain away.

Seconds blur and feel like eons until I finally reach them, just as I feel my entire body is about to implode in on itself. I can barely make out the face of the soul with how hard my form trembles in the water. When I finally get a clear view, my eyes widen.

It's not Peter.

Something inside me snaps. I curse out everyone—everything—but especially myself. How could I be so—

The pain is too much for me to even think clearly. The feeling slips inside the cracks until the agony replaces the very darkness that fills me.

I can't move. The pain is blinding and paralyzing, and staying still only allows it to entrap me further.

I don't know what to do. I slam my eyes shut and let out a soundless scream into the void as the pain consumes everything inside of me.

✧ ✧ ✧

Though Guards cannot die, I am sure I somehow have. The pain I felt surely killed me, and the only reason I no longer feel is it because I have died.

"Wake up," someone says.

I pry open my eyes, though even the small movement makes something inside me twist and ache. When my gaze finds the source of the voice, I jerk into a sitting position, which only causes more pain.

"Adrian," I blurt out, a mixture of surprise and relief blossoming in my chest. "How are you here? Why aren't you in the River?"

"I was released the moment you arrived," they explain. "I went looking for you when I realized you had to return in order for me to be free."

Before they can say anything else, I have my arms around them in a tight embrace. Their body stays rigid against mine, but I hold on for a moment longer.

"Thank you," I say quietly, pulling away. "I am so sorry to have caused you so much pain."

They blink as if apologies are new to them. I wouldn't be surprised if they were.

"You were looking for that human," they say, and it's far from a question.

I nod. "Indeed. But he's not here."

"He's not wandering, nor drifting."

I stare. "What are you talking about?"

Adrian stands and I follow suit. "While Peter may not have given you his soul, it was still filled with love. Powerful love at that, and our creator wanted to see if it would be of any use."

I shake my head, nearly laughing. "That's ridiculous. People in love die all the time, and no Creator ever bothers to do anything with them."

"They thought this situation differed," Adrian explains. "It is different when a human falls for something like you."