A painter's game - Tom Kaulitz

Guilt

Everything happened so fast, I couldn't think straight.

Her blood all over my shaking hands. I was shaking hysterically. My face stained with blood as well as my clothes. Her, blood.

I slowly looked over to my left were she laid with the knife stuck to her throat and a big pile of blood. The smell of iron haunted me. Her face was against the grass. I could still see in my head how her face turned white and the knife cut thru her neck.

I started to freak out, I didn't mean to kill her. I didn't want to kill her, or anyone, ever. Why had I done that?

My eyes welled up as I panicked in fear of what will happen next. I crawled away from her body as tears were streaming down my face. I couldn't get her blood of my body. It was like footprints all over myself.

I felt a heavy guild in my stomach, I hadn't Katie, I really did. But I never wanted to kill her. The fuck was wrong with me. Was I becoming like Tom..

Suddenly, I heard fast footsteps running towards me. It was Bill and Tom.

My heart sank as I slowly looked up at them. They had stopped running.

Bills face looked horrified. His eyes grew from shock and his face turning pale. He was panting.

I looked over at Tom who was looking at me. His eyes staring at my bloody body. His eyes grew as he looked over at Katie's corpse.

I could see Bill taking a few steps back as Tom sat down on one knee over Katie.

I opened my mouth, as I wanted to say something but nothing came out. It was impossible.

Tom held the knife that was stuck to her neck with one hand, and in a heartbeat he took it out as blood continued to gush out. The bloody knife now laying in his hands.

We were all silent. Waiting for anyone to say something.

"It was an accident..." I blurred out, barley being able to make a sentence.

I sat on the grass horrified at myself, I scared myself.

I looked at Tom who just seemed to stare at the bloody knife in his hand. But hurt me most was Bills face, what had he thought about? Was he scared, angry, horrified by me? Had I ruined everything..?

I kept looking at bill, hoping he wasn't fearing me. Please please. Don't loose hope on me..

I continued to look at Bill but then turning my head as I heard Toms laugh. What the fuck?

He giggled a bit, then stoop up again, just to walk towards me.

I breathed heavily, not ready for what he was about to do.

He sat down In front of my face. My whole body was shaking, I closed my eyes in fear.

I could feel his thumb touch my chin. His hand touching my skin. I didn't know what he was about to do. Was he going to kill me. Was I about to die?

I could feel that he was smiling.

"You're quite the little murderer aren't you?" He laughed.

His voice, being calm, and happy made me freak out. Afraid.
How could he be so calm? Why was he happy about this. Why was he, proud.

I could feel him wipe a tear from my eye, as well as blood. Didn't he say that I had nobody to wipe my tears? But here he was doing just that, but I didn't like it. How could he be proud of me when I had killed his girlfriend.

"Don't cry, be proud" Tom said.

"Doesn't it feel good? Ripping away someone's life when they did you wrong." He continued.

His words made me cringe, how the fuck could I be proud. I knew I hated her but taking her life wasn't necessary. Though I felt the rage and disrespect when she tried to choke me, but I didn't want that, I had never felt more guild in my life before.

I opened my eyes, not to look at Tom, but to see Bills disappointed face.

"I didn't mean to.. I was trippin" i whispered, praying bill would understand me.

Tom grabbed my chin to make me look at him and not Bill.

Tears still streaming down my face. I grabbed both my hands on his arm to make him let go, but he wouldn't budge.

"Don't make up excuses, you killed her." Tom smiled at my pain. He knew I was weak. And I knew he felt good whenever I was weak and pathetic, making him in control.

He loved to see me cry. But I hated feeling weak.

He let go of my face as I closed my eyes and looked down while crying. Everything around me was blood, it felt like I was drowning, in her blood.

Toms hand was now stained with her blood as well.

I could hear Tom say something to bill in German.

I felt as Bill Took my arm without saying anything. He dragged me into the house, I looked behind me to see Tom picking Katie's bloody body up.

I looked back at bill who wasn't looking at me. I felt disgusted by myself. How could I let myself do that.

Whenever I closed my eyes, all I could see what the blood in her throat and blood gushing in my face.

Bill let go of my hand as we were in the house. He held his hands to his eyes, rubbing them.

I could tell he panicked, angry or something.

"She choked me, I couldn't breathe" I yelped.

Bill turned around to look me in the eyes.
I was looking into his deep eyes, praying for forgiveness.

"She choked you so you stabbed her to death." Bill said with a focused face. His look made me want to cry.

I opened my mouth for an answer but nothing came out. It felt like he didn't listen. And that killed me.

Tom and bill really was two different people.

I looked behind me to see the big window door, the door was open and I smelled smoke.

I slowly looked out and saw that Tom, had lit Katie's body on fire. Her body laying on some tree branches. Her bloody body made my whole body ache. Knowing I had killed her.

Tom just stood there, watching as the fire grew.
I could see in his eyes that he enjoyed anything with death, he was psychotic, probably bipolar and some kind of split personality disorder. He wasn't normal.

His psychotic eyes scared me, the way he enjoyed as the fire melted her body made me freak.