48. 07/31/23

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it's only been 2 weeks. 2 weeks since he got russia. it'll be three weeks on saturday. honestly, it feels so surreal. it's been 2 weeks only? i miss him. i just miss him.

8-9 months is a long time to not be able to see someone. especially when they went to russia last hockey season as wel and came back in late march/early april. and you only saw them once in mate april. i haven't seen him since and i feel bad complaining. i know he's happy, and i'm happy for him.

he's finally getting the money and recongition he deserves. but he's more than just one of my dad's clients. he's like a second brother to me. i've known him more than half my life. i've grown attachment issues to him and some seperation anxiety. i have thoughts running through my mind saying "what if something happens?" , "what if i never see him again?" and i hate having these thoughts. i know it's a slim chance that those things will happen, but with my anxiety, it's just not easy to push thise thoughts away.

i luckily have something that reminds me of him, and it's a BU stuffed terrier. he signed it (along with more of the BU hockey team the year he was captain.). it's the only way i can sleep. with that terrier. i freak out when i can't find it because it's my only memory of him.

but besides that, i miss him and i love him.(platonically). around 8-9 more months before he comes home.

around 8-9 more months until i see you again. i'll be counting down the days once i know the date. i miss you.

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