The Sorceress' Apprentice

Chapter Eleven: Why do they love me?

Today is father's day but I'm not celebrating with Papa and the other kids. Why? Because he didn't seem to care when I did something for him in the village so why start now? Besides, Sophus is finally feeling the pain I went through. Adrien and Joanna were doing a lot better than him when it came to gifts and things. So, I'll let Sophus handle this himself. But then something happened while I was going to visit Cedrica. Papa actually asked if I wanted to join them on their fathers day picnic.

He still cares but why when he's got Sophus, Adrien, and Joanna. The three people I always seem to compete with. I politely said no and left. Why does he care? He never did before. Or has he been caring this whole time and I've been blind to it? I couldn't say. But what have I done for them that they love me? I haven't done anything for them. Why do they love me? Why does Sophus love me? I've just neglected him. Besides, I could never compare to him in any way. I went to Cedrica's tower to see her making something. Father's day things. I just went up the stairs and went to the window.

"Shouldn't you be celebrating Father's day?" Cedrica asked me.

"What would be the point? It's not like they'd care anyway. They didn't before," I said.

"Well, I'm going to my parent's place for the day. I'm sure they wouldn't mind the extra company."

"Are you sure?"

"Of course. Besides, they want to know how you're getting on with your sorcery."

I only agreed to go because I had nothing else to do and I did want to show her parents what their daughter has taught me. So, we went to a retirement home for sorcerers, sorceresses, witches, and wizards. Really anyone magic. It's called Mystic Medows. Nice place. She took me to the cottage that belonged to her parents and they let us down. And she was right, they were happy to have the extra company. Cedrica's older brother couldn't make it today. So does Cedrica have competition too?

I'm not going to ask. We sat down in the living room and spent some time talking, playing games, had some food, and had a good time. But I mostly stayed quiet because I was thinking about what I was thinking earlier. Even if they love me, why? I've done nothing to deserve their love and I'm evil. Not that they know, but still. I don't think I deserve it. But I can't stop them, no matter how hard I try. And this whole time I didn't realize that Cedrica was trying to get my attention.

"Sorry. I was in my own little world," I said.

"What were you thinking about?" Wade asked.

"Just things that happened recently. Today, actually. Everyone suddenly seems to care about me. Papa, Sophus, everyone. But a few months ago, they didn't. This started occurring after Cedrica saved me during a magic performance."

"I remember that night," Cedrica said, "It's started happening to me too."

"But I can't help but wonder why. Why do they love me? They have no reason to but they do it anyway," I said.

"Well, maybe they know. And maybe Sophus knows what to do with you both. He seems to be helping you two a lot," Ember said.

"Yes, what to do with me. That's the question, isn't it? That's always been the question. Ever since the beginning..." I said, 'He looks for sympathy, I give him sorrow. He asks for honesty, I've none to borrow. He needs my tender kiss. He begs it off me. I give him ugliness. Why does he love me?'

'He yearns for higher things. Things I can't give him. The rush that music brings, I can't deliver. And even when he sings and soars above me, I try to clip his wings. Why does he love me? One more day, sir. That's what I need, don't you think, sir? Leave the hurt behind.'

'He wants the girl I was. Sister and friend. At least, he thinks he does. He needn't bother. Beneath this mask I wear there's nothing of me. Just horror, shame, despair. Why does he love me? How 'bout you, sir? Tell me what am I to do, sir? Leave the hurt behind.'

That's how I feel about it. I have nothing for Sophus or anyone to love me for. I just give everyone awful things. Cedrica had my hand as comfort. I just let her. I still wonder if Cedrica likes me back in any way but I have my doubts. It's almost been a year since we met so I can't help but wonder if she does. It would be nice but I'm going to wait for her to say something or give some sort of sign that she likes me that way.

I won't get my hopes up, however. After a few hours, we arrived back at the castle. Turns out Sophus managed to still have a good time even though he was jealous of Adrien and Joanna at first. How does he get over jealousy quicker than me? Who knows. But I can't make Papa think I didn't care this father's day. So, I conjured up a rose for him and he loved it. Maybe I'll try better next year.