His Little Amelia

|62| • Everest

It was a Saturday, yet here I was, seated on the L-shaped sofa with my therapist in front of me, her notepad in hand. The thing was, I didn't have to come today, she'd told me if I ever wanted to let anything off my chest, I could come on a Saturday if our meeting wasn't soon. I snorted when she said it that day, yet, here I was.

Sighing, I put my head in my hand, calmly massaging my hair. I began massaging instead of pulling because Gabe jested saying if I kept it up, I would have a bald spot before I hit fifty. That made a shiver run down my spine. There was no way I was going to look like a balding man with a beauty like Amelia by my side. Ridding my mind off the thought, I blinked back to reality.

The therapy session with Miss Loren.

"Is there a reason you think you wouldn't be a good father?" She asked after taking in my words. The thing was, I had another panic attack this morning, but it wasn't because of the war. A thought had crossed my mind and I'd taken it too seriously. Marriage. My heart sped up in an uncomfortable way when I thought deeper than that, if I got married, I was going to become a father sooner or later. A father...

Was I worth being called that?

I hadn't even been a good son to mine, nor a good elder brother to Saffron. What made me think I was going to be a decent father to a child? The thought made my head hurt. Truth was, I didn't want to marry anyone other than Amelia, but she didn't deserve a man who wouldn't be a good father to her child. My heart hurt, my head span.

I wasn't going to be a good dad, was I?

When Miss Loren hummed, it brought me back to her question. Was there a particular reason that made me feel such a way? I shrugged, leaning back unto the chair. "Could I be a good father when I didn't even know how to be a good son?" I asked her, tilting my head slightly. I ran, I ran from it all. My Pa's second marriage, the sudden step-sister, I couldn't bear it, so I signed up for the army. Though I would have signed up eventually, I made sure to do it early because I didn't want to be in the same space as him.

I didn't want my child to see me the same way.

Perhaps that was one of the reasons I was terrified.

"That was years ago, Everest. You were scared, I know he wasn't happy but I'm sure your father understood. But that was years ago, would you say your relationship with your dad has gotten better?" She asked gently. Better? I guess it had. This thought stretched a weak smile on my lips. "It has, but I don't think I could bear it if it happens to me. Sounds pathetic, right?" I chuckled to myself. Miss Loren shook her head, "It doesn't."

"There was a reason for the disdain years ago, your father remarried and you felt hurt...hurt that he moved on so fast. But I think you were still too young and hurt to understand his view. It didn't make you a bad son." This time, I decided to take in her words, my eyes staring off into thin air.

"But how would I know what to do?" I asked her, hoping she'd give me a guide on how to become a good dad, on how to be there for a child. Goodness, the thought made my shoulder tense up. Loren smiled, almost an apologetic one. "There isn't one way to that I'm afraid, you and your wife would have to come together and decide how you want to raise the child. On how to be there for them, how you would've wanted you father to do."

Her advice hit hard.

That seemed plausible.

Drying the dampness off my palm, I nodded. She was right.

My wife.

I liked the sound of that. A small smile formed on my lips. Was it too soon to want my sweetheart to be mine legally? I was going to wait until she was done with the culinary school before, but proposing didn't seem like a bad idea again.

I was able to understand at least one thing from these sessions, just because it happened before didn't mean it would happen again. The proposal with Florescent didn't work out because I wanted to go to army. Now that I was back and ready to settle down, I simply prayed Amelia would want to as well.

"Times up, right?" I said, staring at the clock. It was 4 o'clock now. Before I left, I didn't see Amelia anywhere. She did say she was going to hangout with the group, so I didn't get too worried. She was going to be back by now, right?

Miss Loren nodded, dropping her notes before standing up. The wrinkles on her skirt smoothening out with a glide over it. "Thank you for coming back, and being open minded." She said, shaking my hands firmly. I grinned.

"Thanks, see you later then."

Turning my heel, I went out of the office, strolling down the stairs and into my car while humming a tune. Perhaps it was a good idea to come here after all, to be vulnerable with someone who wasn't going to give me the advice I needed to hear. Smiling to myself, I rested my head on the headrest of the car, letting the words of Loren flow free.

Pa...was this how you get when I stopped talking with you? I couldn't help but think. I'd despised Pa for getting over my mother so fast, but he didn't. He mourned and was ready to move on, I wasn't.

Looking to the empty passenger seat, I rubbed my hand against the chair, letting the feeing calm me down. Amelia...what was she doing now? Was she having a nice time with her new found friends? I was glad she wasn't so lonely any longer. I was exceptionally glad that he wasn't here to manipulate her mind, Darrick that is.

Amelia did say she wanted to see her dad soon, I needed to see him to. I honestly hoped any bad blood between us was gone. I planned on being his in-law after all. Putting the car on drive, I drove out of the parking lot and into the street.

As though she read my mind, my phone vibrated and surely enough, it was her calling. Her name brought a grin to my lips as it's done many times before. "Hey darling." I greeted, putting the phone on speaker. Hearing her soft giggle made my heart swirl like a darn school boy.

"I didn't think you'd pick! Hey Evie, how are you? I hope I'm not bothering you or anything..." She trailed off, concern coating her voice. Wasn't that meant to be my line? She was in school after all.

"No you're not, I just came from— a-anyways, what's up?"

Those words almost slipped out. I was about to admit going to therapy. Clearing my throat, I cursed my quick lips, hoping she didn't catch my slip up. Amelia hummed, showing she'd heard it. It was t like I didn't want her to know, she would, eventually. Big right now, I felt as though I needed to get my head straight before letting the cat out of the bag.

"Coming from where?"

Crud.

"It's nothing, so, what's up sunshine?" I attempted changing the subject with the nickname and it worked. She laughed, "Sunshine? You sound like Binta." My lady teased, making me chuckle. She was a ray of sunshine, the name suited her well.

"So, I was wondering. Would you like to go bowling with me on Sunday?"

Bowling?

That was new.

Humming, I shrugged. Where was the harm in that? "Is that a date, sweetie?" I decided to tease, wishing she was here so I could see her beam with a blush. "Yes it is." She said slyly.

"Then I'd love to, darling."

•

I promise I haven't forgotten you all, thank for your patience. I'll be back soon❤️
Real soon.