His Little Amelia

|73| • Amelia

Waking up, I felt myself sinking into the bed. I was exhausted, partly because I had barely eaten anything for the entire day yesterday. From how hard I had cried, I was darn dehydrated. When I woke up on Sunday morning, I barely had the stomach to eat. I munched on some peanuts while lying like a bedridden human until I fell into another deep sleep which lasted till this morning.

Blindly searching for the bottle of water I remembered taking with me, my hands trailed over a curved plastic with water in it.

With the little strength I had left, my body pushed itself up to sit against the bedpost. Unscrewing the cap, I gulped down half of the bottle at once. A shaky breath left my lips.

The brightness was peaking out from the curtains now, it was the next day for sure. Closing my eyes, I inhaled repeatedly before holding out my phone. I didn't expect Everest to message me, but a part of me hoped that he would. That he'd tell me wherever he was. Sighing, I rode my head off the stupid thought, staring at the time.

It was nearly seven.

So I had about an hour before heading to class.

Did I even want to go? It didn't matter, I had to go, this was my dream...he had paid for it. Perhaps I didn't feel up to it because I was going to see that guy again. Raul. The thought of seeing him, or being in the same class with him ached my belly.

That was partly because of how hungry I was.

Climbing off the bed, I pushed myself lazily to the door. It was the same as last night, empty and lonely. Pursing my lips, I turned robotically to the kitchen, opening the fridge to bring out the bowl of curry rice. As I transferred it to another plate to warm, I wondered, was he eating okay wherever he was?

Closing the bowl back up, I spotted another bowl of barbecue chicken deep inside. When did he learn to cook so well? Sure I wasn't too bad at cooking, but baking was my strong point. I wanted to learn more recipes, so I'd be able to cook for him.

Dropping the chicken drumstick onto the plate, I set it in the microwave, closing the fridge back up. Still hungry, I grabbed a handful of grapes like some scavenger, throwing it in my mouth to quench my hunger and thirst. Moaning, I threw another one in. This was enough to give me the needed strength to bathe.

Going back into my room, I chewed hungrily on the purple grapes, nodding my head in satisfaction. When I stared at my phone, I wondered, would it be okay to send a message to Everest? I doubt he wanted to hear from me, if he left in the first place didn't that mean he didn't want to be close to me in any way? I guess I'd have to be patient.

"Okay, time to shower," I said to myself, walking into the bathroom.

I'd reached the point where I could barely find tears to cry, all I did was ponder on my action with a dose of guilt and regret. Those thoughts brought the same result, I still wanted — no, I needed to become better. The chants Kaji said I should let sink in only did so much.

I didn't want to be a people pleaser.

I would definitely take for the heels when I felt a slight bit put off.

But honestly? I didn't think that was enough. I needed something else. Everest did say he went to therapy, even though I didn't know of it before, I saw a different side of him. He'd speak his mind about his feelings, and he'd think through things better than before. Even now, he decided to leave, he could have sent me away, could've cursed me out and said I should go back to my Papa's house. Yet he was the one that left his own apartment. For me.

I didn't deserve his kindness, not after I'd blindly ignored his concerns.

He'd told me his thoughts on Raul, yet I ignored it. Why did I ignore it? Why didn't I understand that his feelings needed to be put above any reason of mine to keep Raul as a friend? A friend...what did that word even mean? Perhaps I got the definition wrong all along.