His Little Amelia

|76| • Amelia

The loud crack of thunder jolted me from the bed, and chills like electricity through my body. Blinking in confusion, I realized it was still the night. The lightning flashed like an army of paparazzi but dimmed the next second. I huffed, turning to my back and looking at the ceiling. Just when I was starting to fall asleep, rain started to fall, heavily might I add.

I'd never been a fan of thunder and lightning, it made my nerves shoot through the roof. The sudden sound was always so defeating and the wind blew harshly as though a hurricane was coming. Covering my eyes, I groaned. Sleeping had not been coming easy these days, I barely slept because my mind ran races with its thoughts at night, and when I did manage to sleep, out came the repeated, taunting dreams.

"Good Lord," I mumbled, staying still, hoping it'd deceive my mind to shut down.

I could get over the text I'd sent to Everest. What would he think of it? Would he think I was just saying that to make myself look all the more apologetic? I sighed, was telling him I started therapy really the first thing to say? I knew an apology wouldn't do any good. I wanted to be honest with myself, I wanted to say more than 'I'm sorry,' I knew for a fact that my actions would speak louder than my words ever would.

Boom!

I gasped, jumping at the explosion-like sound. My window vibrates at the impact. I was now quivering. It was freezing cold even with my windows shut and an oversized hoodie on. Another thunder fell from the sky, making me close both of my ears and shut my eyes tightly. I couldn't imagine having to experience an actual bomb if something like this made me so afraid.

My thoughts trailed back to Everest.

He was in the army. Did that mean he experienced things like this more than once? Goodness, my heart ached for him. And once again, I found myself thinking of the man whom I wished was here. Sighing in defeat, I got up. "Since I don't feel like sleeping anymore," I mumbled, dragging myself out of my room. The apartment was dark, from the terrace I could see how millions of droplets came from the sky, the clouds dark and gloomy.

The frequent lightning which flashes from the sky made switching on the light useless. After fetching a glass of water, I shrank in, expecting a loud grumble from outside which did happen. Gasping, I jumped, closing my eyes once more. It didn't feel better than I expected it, the sound still made my entire body jump to life. With shaky hands, I gulped down the water, rinsing the glass once I was done and dropping it back in the cupboard.

Blinking, my eyes had begun to get used to the darkness. I looked towards Everest's room, a half smile crossed my lips. My legs had a mind of its own in this case, slowly strolling until we reached his door. The last I saw was him packing his things and leaving. With a heavy heart, I placed my head on the door frame, taking in steady breaths.

He didn't deserve any of this. He didn't deserve what I'd done to him, none of it. I was done thinking of the ifs which would have happened or the 'I wish', there was no use in thinking that way. I just had to find a way to be better. Be better to myself, and be able to show him how much I respected and loved him. A sad sight came from my lips. Respect him? He didn't even feel respected, he made it quite clear that day.

I didn't know when my hands cupped the door handle, twisting it. I stumbled into his room, feeling like an intruder. His room was quiet, it still had traces of his scent, his duvet scattered across his bed, pillow lopsided. I didn't even have the mind to clean his room, too scared to go in.

Turning to the wall, I rolled one of the switches, letting a dimmer light shine through his room. It was better than squinting at the normal light. I could see better now, I could see the state of his room.