The Misguided

Coming Clean

Chapter 18- Coming Clean

"... There are always consequences to actions, so think wisely before you do something. But once you've done it, it's impossible to undo- the guilt may bottle you up, swallow you whole. But you have to face it- it would only be fair to the people you robbed out of- a life, a feeling, time. Always do the right thing."

"It was the night of September 13th, 2012, the day before my daughter Melissa's birthday. We were having a family get-together- well, mostly my family, along with Daniel's mom. We knew she was reluctant to be there, but," Lilian chuckled, a stream evaporating her eyes. " My husband didn't speak to me the whole night and was preoccupied with Mellissa, seemingly entertained as well. I mean- she was the angel God gifted when we were frowned upon, so sweet, charming, the opposite of me."

Detective Jennings handed her the tissue box, "Ma'am; it's okay to be emotional when speaking of insensitive topics like these."

Lilian nodded with a smile. "Anyways, something went wrong when we fed her shellfish. I eventually found out that babies can develop allergies later on in life, as it wasn't stated as an allergen when we conducted a report years back. The allergic reaction was bad- her skin was covered in flaming hives, and her cries were piercing, loud in intervals. She could hardly breathe. We immediately headed for the hospital. But on the way there, a car accident happened, and we were stuck in traffic for what felt like hours, watching agony strike Melissa like lightning."

"On our way there, me and Daniel argued nonstop. He kept blaming me for feeding it to her and said I should have been the one suffering instead of our daughter. He spoke of how he wished never to marry me. But I mean, who would have known that this would happen? I just wanted what was best for my daughter. I understood his frustration because I was angry at myself too. But it sucks seeing the man you love wholeheartedly deceive you like this."

"We spent the whole night at the hospital. Yet, peace isn't guaranteed. The ER doctor told us Melissa had a very slim chance of survival, given the delay in her treatment, but they assured us they were doing everything they could. Daniel was livid- he began hitting me, bashing on my head while tugging on my shirt, all while threatening to divorce me, or even worse, to kill me."

"I'm sorry you have to go through that, Lilian."

"It was like a miracle, as if an angel was smiling upon us when 5 hours later, Melissa's vitals began pumping up to a normal range, obviously still below average. Now that I think about it, it was the last time I saw Daniel genuinely smile. But somehow, I felt discontent, less relieved. It was rather the opposite. It was then I started to question whether having a baby or keeping a baby was the right decision for our previously flawed relationship. I knew Daniel would never let this slide- it would be a rock hindered in a canoe trip. I loved our daughter- but there's nothing in this world I wouldn't sacrifice for the sake of our marriage. So, I did something bad, but during the heat of the moment, it felt so right."

"When Daniel left the room to go to the washroom, I wrapped my hand around her neck and just squeezed. Nothing happened; perhaps it was my subconscious stopping me from applying pressure. So, I decided to unplug the breathing machine, only for a split second and plugged it back in right away. My hands felt out of control; it was then that I realized what an awful thing I had done. I-"

"So, you killed her by disconnecting a vital medical device, correct?"

Lilian nodded, " Yes, and I'm consumed by guilt every second, every day. You would think it's obvious because I was the only one in the room.
But no one suspected anything. It was like; it was already written in her fate for her to die. The doctors concluded the machine system either misinterpreted her vitals or fluctuations occurred with her immunity. It's not uncommon for babies to die of allergies."

"Well, no one, except for Daniel. His stare was haunting, and it was a stare I will never forget. The disappointment pierced through my blank soul; he knew something no one else knew- as if we were strangers who met for the first time, unrecognizable."

" A part of his pride died with her that day, and he was never the same ..."

Detective Jennings recorded more notes, "So why did you kill your husband if you loved him so much ?"

"For the same reasons, probably. I could not face that Daniel could love someone so dearly, someone that happens not to be me. But this time- I knew the only way for him to stay was to hold captive the little love that was left in my palms" Lilian smiled,

"forever."

"But there's nothing more in this world he loved than his daughter. So, how foolish of me to think he would love me once she was gone?"