Madam Yan's Matchmaking Pavilion for Men

31 A Scene Committed to Memory, A Single Regret

Zhang Shi Lan got up and stepped past the table, looking at Yu Huang Rong with a serious gaze. He had doubted before that what Qian Mu Qing had said might just be the merchant's misinterpretation and his own silly dream, but now, none of that seemed important anymore. He had found the truth. He didn't know what to do with it but he had found the truth. He had been wrong. It was true. Yu Huang Rong, the man that he had loved for ten years, was truly requiting his feelings.

Just for a moment, Zhang Shi Lan wanted to give in to his urges. He wanted to take yet another step, to breach that invisible boundary of politeness and step into these strong arms, maybe looking up at him, daringly touching his lips with his own. He wasn't a woman. Why should he be shy? Maybe, that was all they would need.

Unfortunately, even if he wouldn't mind ruining his own reputation, there was still the Zhang family behind him. He gave a smile and then motioned over to the pond. "We should bid farewell." He didn't know if he was saying they should bid their farewell to the women or that they should bid farewell to each other. Whatever it was, it made his heart hurt. Ending this moment or ending the future they never had had, neither of them was what he wanted to do.

Yu Huang Rong nodded. "We should. Then after we've done that, does the previous promise still count?"

Zhang Shi Lan's gaze was complicated when he looked up at the General's face. "Which promise?"

"I wouldn't know what Scholar Zhang promised me in his heart. But you did say you would accompany me after this was over to take a look at the city together. Does that still count?"

Zhang Shi Lan took a shaky breath and nodded, stepping back and cupping his fists as if he had only wanted to thank General Yu for taking part in the first place. "A gentleman wouldn't take back his word, would he?"

Yu Huang Rong also cupped his fists and bowed. "Then let us go and bid our farewell now. These women ... I do not care for any of them." He gave Zhang Shi Lan another deep look and the two of them walked over, cupping their fists again and nodding to the other side of the pond.

The women were happy but in their heart, the two men knew that even if they couldn't find a way to be together, they wouldn't be able to be with any of these women either. This day, to them, it would forever be a precious memory. Sharing the rest of their life with one of the women that had witnessed it, with a person that might bring it up in the future, neither of them could imagine it. If they had to bury this memory somehow, then they wanted to bury it forever. Being reminded of this short moment of bliss would be too painful to bear.

With another half-smile, the two men turned away and left the pavilion. They didn't even stay to talk with Madam Yan to find out what would happen next. They just walked back to the main house side-by-side, going through the corridor they had passed before and then walked out of the main entrance, their sleeves brushing against the other's, their bodies not touching in the slightest. They stopped just three steps away from the entrance and turned to each other.

Zhang Shi Lan inclined his head. "Then ... if I am to accompany General Yu, then I should go and tell my servants that they can leave."

Yu Huang Rong nodded. "It would be much appreciated. Although ... rather than taking the carriage, I would prefer to walk. Would Scholar Zhang mind?"

Zhang Shi Lan shook his head and the two of them parted ways, each telling their servant that they could leave. Then they walked back toward each other, meeting in the middle of the square, sharing a glance.

Neither of them knew what to say. They turned to the side in unison and walked away, leaving Madam Yan's establishment behind and ambling down one of the streets of the capital that both of them had walked more than a hundred or maybe more than a thousand times in their lives. Whenever they did, they had been alone or with some other person that they had coincidentally met or a family member that wanted them to accompany them on an errand. Then they would go down the street, not paying attention to their surroundings, maybe exchanging a few pleasantries with the other person before they reached the end. Their ways might separate there or they might continue to their destination. It wasn't important, it wasn't special. It was something that could be done every day.