Grape Juice (By the Border, #1) ✓

14

To Winona Santiago,

I found a list of passwords hidden in your desk. I also plan to borrow a couple hundred bucks from your card. Tulad ng sabi ko, I'm making preparations. Kailangan kong makapag-rehistro para sa life insurance para wala nang kailangang gastusin pa pagdating ng araw. Kung papalarin ay wala kang mapapansin hanggang sa matapos ko lahat ng kailangan kong gawin.

I'm sorry, Ma. I just don't want you to be buried in more problems once I leave. I want to be remembered as a daughter, not a burden. Ito lang ang kaya kong gawin para hindi na mas maging mahirap 'to para sayo. Ayaw ko lang maulit ang nangyari noong iniwan tayo ni Papa at hindi natin napaghandaan.

Sorry if the letters are piling up. I still have a lot to say.

***

Umalis kami nang alas singko. Bago magpaalam ay nag-request si Novah na maghapunan muna kami sa Savory. Later on I figured he didn't want to go without seeing me eat.

Tinanggihan ko siya kahit sinabi niyang sagot niya ang bayad, at ayaw niyang umalis hangga't hindi ko naipapangako na kakain ako sa bahay. I ignored that, of course, and left him alone near the fast food chain's entrance.

Katatapos ko lang isulat ang letrang naka-address kay Mama noong marinig kong bumukas ang pinto sa sala. I was done scrubbing the walls, washing the dishes, and cooking her dinner hours ago. "Please," I said to no one in particular as I hid the letter, "'wag ka munang pumasok dito." I never tested my luck for the longest time, so I wasn't surprised when I heard Mom banging on my door. Of course she would do the last thing I wanted to happen tonight.

"'Wag mong ikandado ang sarili mo d'yan sa loob," aniya. Her tone was muffled, demanding, and anything but motherly. "Kakain na ako ng hapunan. Lumabas ka d'yan, sasabay ka sa 'kin." I heard shuffling, then a sigh, and suddenly it felt stuffy in here. "We need to talk, kid. Labas na."

Like hell I'd do that. Sitting on the bed and pulling the blankets to shield myself from the cold air rushing through the windows, I waited for the noise of Mom's footsteps to decrease.

Nothing happened. Nasa labas pa rin siya.

"Get out of there or I'm destroying the damn door."

I knew better than to stay silent. The thought of facing confrontation at gods-knew-what-o'clock-it-was in the evening brought an unhealthy dose and urged me to swallow the damn pill.

So here I was, watching Mom stab an overcooked broccoli, her eyes shooting daggers at me.

"Musta ang school? Learned anything today?"

For a moment I thought I was in a different reality. What the hell?

"Ayos lang naman," tipig kong sagot. I shrugged as I took my first bite of the unpleasant dinner, thinking of another lie rolling off my tongue with little effort. "Wala kaming ginagawa masiyado."

"I don't have time for this, Wesley."

I leaned back. "And you think I do?"

"Tinawagan ako ng adviser mo kanina." She stabbed another broccoli. "She asked why you weren't at school earlier. Nag-cut classes ka ba? That wasn't like you."

Gods. I would rather force myself to eat brocolli again tomorrow than talk. "Yeah, but so what? Hindi ako ma-e-expel dahil lang do'n. Malulusutan ko 'yon."

"Alam mong hindi ako concerned kung ma-e-expel ka dahil hindi mo hahayaang mangyari 'yon. Just...why?" Had I not been staring at her the whole time, I would've missed the way her gaze softened. But I didn't care. I couldn't bring myself to, not when she never showed that she cared for me. "What did you do, kid?" mahina niyang tanong.