Whispers After Dark

Chapter 17

 I got up from my spot on the grass and sniffled my tears away. The wind was picking up, and my hair ruffled against its combed direction. Strands of hair poked my eyes and I moved them out of the way. The sky had darkened as if angered by my thoughts. I didn't care right now.

Physical activity time was almost over anyways. Walking to sit on the grass, Holly's body against the corner of the wall startled me.

"What is it?" I didn't want to talk to anyone right now, much less someone who couldn't even carry on a conversation.

She stammered, looking for words, and barely uttered something quieter before looking at her shoes in shame. "It was just loud over there and I came to check what it was."

I walked past her, looking down at the children busy in their games and talking. Emily had joined the little children again but she wasn't smiling and moving as much, often being tagged to chase around other children, whom she didn't have the energy to entertain at the moment.

"I guess you know now."

"Is everything okay?" She tucked strands of her hair behind her ear. "With you and Emily, I mean."

I don't want to talk about it."

My mind wasn't blank as I couldn't clear up my thoughts. My anger was beginning to rub into our conversation and I didn't want Holly to get the wrong idea that I didn't like her. Then again, why should I take care of her when nobody would do the same to me?

"Oh, it's just..." she fidgeted with her hands, unable to meet my eyes.

"Forget it, Holly." My voice was stern, imitating Mr. Chamberlain. I couldn't tell if she was looking at me. I guess I didn't care. It wouldn't change anything, And if it did, why should I bother? Nothing was going right anyways.

She shut herself up. Sitting farther away from me than usual. I was too tired to apologize. Screw her for listening.

Mrs. Chamberlain called the children inside to freshen up for Roy's evening lesson. Emily steered away from me, keeping a gap between us. Her eyes darted away from me and she separated herself leaving several children in between to stop me from getting close to her. I didn't want to talk to her anyways. Whatever I would say would be a lost cause. It would just add fuel to the fire that is her anger.

She sat away near the front of the class. Her hair blocked her face and her face pointed towards a never-ending talking Roy. I knew she wasn't listening to him though. She rarely ever was. Her mind was probably wandering through the land of fairies and princesses as Roy talked about the history of our nation.

His lesson whizzed by, the same as usual, his voice overlapping the yawns of children. I was in no mood to be watching nature outside today. Roy's lesson about the nature of war and violence was quite intriguing to an inquiring mind.

Supper felt the same from a couple of days ago. Emily was busy with her younger classmates sharing stories and Holly had come over to comfort me. I apologized for my attitude earlier and she was considerate enough to let it go harmlessly.

Holly was kind. She was understanding of my situation and I felt heard. She listened. The more we talked, the more she understood my pain and everything I had been going through. Supper couldn't have lasted longer.

The clatter of utensils against plates and children eating their meals canceled out in the background. The smell of warm soup filled the air, and Holly's comfort on such a dreary day was much needed.

As usual, the medication cups were passed around to every child. Now, I was aware of what it was. Librium. The clear liquid at an overdosed amount stood in front of me.

Was there a purpose in witnessing the drug operation once more? Would it make a difference? I was only wanted here for my profound gutting abilities. That's all I was good for. If I couldn't do that, they might as well kick me out of this orphanage as well.

Following Roy's countdown, I raised the bottom of the cup in the air and gulped the liquid.

I'd do their work. After all, they were the only people that wanted me.