The Things That Make Us

Chapter 12

Hannah

I know how things should have been between my mom and I, now that I've spent a good amount of time with Erin. She's so different from my mom and I know she's not directly related to her at all, but I'm blood related to both of them. I only knew my mom, as my family, for over ten years. She was the only family I had and I learned quickly that her way was the way it was, even if it didn't feel right.

  But now I know. I know how things could have been. I know that I deserved better. Because Erin is better. She's good and she's stable and happy. My mom was never any of those things. She's not my mom but she's my family and this is where I feel like I belong.

  It's been over a week since I changed my cell phone number. I haven't spent much time thinking about my mom, or whether she was trying to get a hold of me. She likely hasn't. In over a month, she's only called me twice. She left me, all alone. I shouldn't care about my mom anymore.

  It's almost the middle of July, which is insane. I've been mostly working, hanging out with Cannon or spending time with Erin. The days pass. I fall asleep feeling happy and refreshed. The way Cannon makes me feel scares me a lot, but I know it's just because it's been a long time - if ever - that someone looked at me the way he does. I don't like the fact that we're still keeping it a secret, but it's the way it is.

  It's Friday and I'm waiting for Cannon, down the road from the beach house, where he told me to meet him. I'm in front of a smaller house with a little white fence and a big flower garden. He asked me to meet him so we can go for a walk, which we do sometimes if we both have the day off. I don't know what Seb is doing today, so it worries me a bit that we could run into him, but I shrug that off as I hear the door open and close. Looking up right away, I see him slip out of the front door of the house that I'm right in front of. He nods at me and then smiles as he comes down the path and through the gate.

   "This is your house?" I ask him, because I wasn't sure.

     He nods again. "For my whole life."

    "It's really pretty," I tell him, as as start walking next to each other.

  It feels like a big moment, now, knowing where he lives. He's kept that part of himself mostly a secret until now.

    "My mom loves that garden," he tells me and then slips his hand into mine.

  I love the way his hand feels pressed into mine. I love how I can feel his warmth and his pulse in my hand. He looks down at me and grins as we cut through a yard to take a side street. It's weird, with us. We sometimes go down to the beach and sit together and not even talk. Sometimes we walk, hand in hand, and that's enough. But then sometimes we end up in the pool house, our hands all over each other.

  We don't talk about his parents. We don't talk about my mom. We don't talk about him leaving for college. A lot of topics off out of bounds so we mostly talk about each other. I know he loves anime and he learned to play the guitar a couple years ago. He knows I love tacos and sushi and Taylor Swift.

  And it might not be enough, but it's enough because it has to be.

*

  There's a truck that I don't recognize parked on the road, just down from the beach house when I get back, an hour later. I just have an immediate sinking feeling in my stomach. Freezing at the end of the driveway, I take in a deep breath. I realize that I have to face the situation, even if I don't want to. I'd rather take Cannon's hand in mine again and keep walking, but my gut is telling me I have to go inside.