Waking up in Keeper of the Lost Cities.

I'm Legolas and should start growing out my hair immediately.

The car swerved, missing me by inches. Reading about a car almost hitting you and actually living it are two different things. The car swiped a metal lamppost, and I watched as the heavy pole teetered. I dove out of the way as it came crashing down where I would have been standing. The only thing going through my mind was 'holyshitholyshitholyshitIalmostdiedholyshitholyshitfuckfuckfuckitwould'vehitmefuckfuckfuckfuckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk' so for the first time, I was glad for Fitz. He interrupted my internal monologue to tell me we needed to get out of sight. So considerate, that Ritz Cracker. He grabbed my arm and dragged me down the street. 

"Which way?" he asked as we reached the first intersection. Now, I couldn't remember after that near-death experience which way Sophie Foster pointed in the first Keeper of the Lost Cities book when she was abducted by Lord Creepy. I know, the KOTLC fandom is so disappointed in me. In my defense... I had just almost died. So, I just pointed in a random direction, hoping it wouldn't have a ripple effect and, like, cause another 9/11 or something. I mean, these were legitimate worries now! I had to think about every single thing any of my actions would cause. However, not deciding is also a decision. What if I didn't decide on something fast enough, and it caused a new species of dolphins with laser eyes?!

Actually, I'm being a bit arrogant. This is an entire world. I'm sure my actions don't have that much impact. The whole main character thing is bullshit. Sure, maybe Sophie's the Moonlark and everything, but there are millions of other Sophie's out here, just trying to make it through that the author just didn't write the perspective of. I'm in a book, not a video game. There aren't NPCs in this world. Oh shit. I'm walking with the Ritzer. Forgot he was there for a second. I try to remember how this conversation goes.

I pushed my glasses up my nose. "Soo... What do you want with me? Why have you been looking for me? Who sent you? TAKE ME TO YOUR LEADERS RITZ CRACKER." Okay, the last one may have been just for me.

"What did you just call me?" he asked, looking slightly offended.

"JUST ANSWER THE QUESTIONS, DUDE," I said.

He backed up, looking slightly scared of me. Good.

"My father sent me to find you. We were looking for a specific girl your age, and I was supposed to observe and report back to him, like always. I wasn't supposed to talk to you." He frowned like he was disappointed with himself. "I just couldn't figure you out. You don't make sense."

"What the fuck did you just say to me? Okay, dude. Pro tip, if you want someone to like or trust you, don't tell them they 'don't make sense'. What is that even supposed to mean?" I said, remembering I was supposed to be asking questions to progress the plot.

"It means you're... different from what I expected. Your eyes really threw me off."

"Okay, that's about as clear as a ten-inch wall of metal. For someone with no knowledge of what you're talking about, that basically just sounds like you're saying my eyes look like shit. Which is rude, if you didn't know. Tell me, what's wrong with my eyes?" I sighed, pinching the bridge of my nose. This was going to be a long conversation. 

"We all have blue eyes. So when I saw them, I figured we had the wrong girl again. But we didn't."
 He looked at me with something like awe. "You're really one of us." You know what, this one might actually be an NPC.

"Okay, ignoring everything else I said. Got it. Again, that's not clear at all. Why are you saying 'we'? It sounds like you're with the mafia and planning to kidnap me because I'm the love child of your hardcore gangster leader. 'One of us'? Sure, beam me up to your alien spaceship."

Fitz looked confused like he was waiting for his brain to catch up to the words. He breathed out a huge sigh like it was inconvenient to him to explain to someone that their entire worldview was about to be shattered into pieces.

"There's no easy way to explain this, so I'm just going to say it. We're not human Sophie."

I mentally weighed out my options, knowing I was supposed to not believe him and all because if someone said that to me in a normal circumstance, I would've considered them insane too. However, this had been one hell of a day, and I just wanted to go home, or at least go to the Other Sophie's home. Talking to Fitz is like school, confusing, and exhausting, and when you ask someone to explain something to you, they just confuse you more. But if I say I believe him, he'll think I'm crazy.

I took a step forward and leaned in close to his face. "Prove it," I say, poking his chest with my finger. I'll give Ritz one, he's got some muscles.

He closed his eyes and vanished. Just for a second, but it was enough.

"Okay, so what are we then? Aliens? Little ETs running around with spaceships?" I asked tiredly.

Fitz erupted into laughter and quickly stopped after I sent him a death glare.

"No," he said with traces of humor in his voice. "I'm saying you're an elf."

"You know what-I just-no comment. Okay. Elves. Got it. Is that all?"

"You just accepted that?"

"Umm, I thought that was the whole point? Don't you want me to believe you?"

"Yeah, but just like that? I tell you you're an elf, and you just believe me?"

"Listen, man," I growled. "You stalk me, you creep me out, you chase me, you almost get me killed, and you tell me I'm fucking Legolas... And I BELIEVE YOU?! And you're MAD ABOUT THAT?"

Fitz took a few steps back. "No, you're right. I'm sorry. Just... You aren't lying and the second I leave you'll book a plane ticket to Mexico, right?"

"No, I won't, Ritz," I replied.

"Okay, then. I'll find you tomorrow." Fitz said, flashing a small smile as he raised his pathfinder up to the sky and left.

Forever creepy, that Ritz Cracker.