Beautiful in Jada

21: Funerale

"You need to get your ass up, NOW!" Lorenzo yelled into the room. He peeled back the curtains as the sunlight shinned through the room. I didn't move as the blanket was ripped away from me. I looked over at him in pure annoyance. I was still tipsy and had a headache. Nothing felt the same or hurt as bad as I felt, though.

"Fuck off," I told him.

"It's her damn funeral you stupid piece of shit," he hurled, the vitriol in his voice glaringly apparent.

His voice was harsh, and the reminder annoyed me beyond belief. I balled my fist up. My heart ached as if someone grabbed it and squeezed it. I never planned to see this day. I didn't get any choices. We hadn't signed the marriage certificate, and her parents cremated her before I could stop it. They had to drag me out of the hospital by force. I almost was arrested. Yet, there was nothing to see anyways. There's nothing to say goodbye, too. If I was lucky enough to drive myself to death, that would have made me happy. Lorenzo grabbed me by my leg and dragged me out of the bed. I landed with a thump before ripping my foot away."Get dressed," was all he said before he left.

The sound of the door slamming shook the room through sheer force. He wasn't going to leave me alone, so I went into the closet and threw on a black suit. My eyes would flash to the hangers, our outfits laid under black cover. The worst day of my life laid there like a silly notification. Her dress was zipped up, soiled in stains of the blood. My suit was underneath, soiled as well. I held her wedding ring around my neck. I wished I had seen her one last time, I regretted not seeing her face one last time, kissing her one last time. I had caused such a ruckus that I wasn't allowed to stay. The lump in my throat came back, and I shook the feeling. I found the whiskey on my bedside, taking 2 shots, hoping to drown away thoughts of her. I didn't shower. I didn't brush my teeth. I brushed my hair back with my fingers. I gargled some mouth wash so Lorenzo wouldn't comment. I opened the door where he leaned against the wall."Good," he said, leading us out of our home.

By the time we had arrived, I could feel my nerves. I saw people I had never seen before, looked to be her family and friends all outside of the funeral home, slowing moving in. Right on time. The skies were clear, not s cloud in sight. The sun shined brightly. It was like any other day. It had been clear skies for the last week, since the day she died."Fuck" I said, my voice cracking. My feelings were trying to erupt out of me. Tears formed in my eyes, and I refused to let them out.

I could feel Lorenzo's eyes on me, but he didn't say a word. I sniffed up all the feeling I could, wiped my eyes, and walled my heart. I quickly exited the car following behind the crowd.I positioned myself in the back, standing near the door. People sat around while her urn was front and center. The urn was this ugly golden brown color. I hated it, or maybe I hated the idea of her in there. My eyes found the poster with her picture in her wedding dress, from right before we got married. Her smile was so wide you could see the wrinkles around her eyes. I had not heard our pictures have been released yet, or at least no one told me that I could remember. I longed to reach out and touch her, but I shook the feeling. The sign by her urn read;Jada Moore-BucceriDaughter, sister, friend, and wife.

As I read the sign, my heart ached, and the lump came back in my throat. My heart was held hostage as the tightness squeezed me. Why did I even bother? She's gone, and yet everyone wanted to draw me back to see her. I didn't protect her. I cheated on her. I lied to her face. I ignored her. I did everything, but I love her like I thought I was. I blinked my tears away as her best friend reached the podium.

"Today is the second worst day of my life," She took a deep breath before steadying her voice."Jada was my best friend, and she was taken away from us on what was supposed to be the happiest day of her life. I have no good words to say, but I'm the only one with enough sense to talk up here today, so I will do my best. Bare with me," She said as a projector came down. A slide show began to show her as a baby.