Beautiful in Jada

24: Riavvolgere

My spirit and drive had been shattered beyond repair. I was not the man I used to be. I was tired of being angry and sad at the same time.I hated how much I dwelled on the past. Jada had been part of my life for such a short period of time. The profound effect she had on me was astronomical. She truly was my soulmate. I was tied to her. Finding the people who killed her was one of my most important tasks until it wasn't. It led nowhere. Nothing became of it, like the people had disappeared, leaving a lone shooter who was long gone at this point.

I wasn't sure how I would go on with her without this mission. I had no motivation to do anything. I didn't care about the family business. I didn't care about trivial fights or business rules. I had previously stepped over anyone and everyone. I hurt people. I thought Jada had made me a better man. I truly thought I was changing. Only to realize nothing had changed. I was the same person the one time, but this time, I had something to lose. I fooled myself into thinking differently.

I felt like a shell of myself. Life flashed in moments and memories for a long while. It took me a long time to realize this. I don't think I ever knew who I was. I was a 36 year old man, and I had no idea who I was. It was almost comical how pitiful I found myself. I was my own worst enemy. Now, I just wanted to find some peace and calmness in my life. I barely deserved it, yet I paid for my sins and lived through the consequences of my own faults. My actions directly led to my own pain, I knew that now.

"Alessio, you need help," Lorenzo spoke up, I hadn't even noticed when he entered the office. I practically lived here at this point, but I had called him here for a reason.

"What is help going to do for me?" I asked him.

No one could magically bring her back. Death was not undone. You could not fix what was permanent. I could never go back and change anything. I was stuck with every choice I made, I had to somehow find peace in that.

"I'm done. Lucas is running things fine. Life is moving on fine without me. I want to be left alone," I told him, breaking the pause of silence.

"Man, don't give up like that," Lorenzo said.

I looked up at him. He had pity in his eyes. For me. For the first time, he looked at me like I was fragile. I wasn't going to literally end it all. I was just done with this lifestyle. Living a crimnals life was not for me. I didn't want to continue intot he same world that took everything from me. All that brought was pain, and it took away the one thing that meant the most to me. It stole my future. I didn't want this life. It did me no good. The silence was thick between us. He was more of a brother to me than even my own. Lorenzo always had my back, and I did his as well.

"I'll be leaving tomorrow. I'm heading back to Italy. That's the last place that felt like home," I stated flatly. The decision had already been made. I had made all my arrangements to go back home, to live a quieter life. I hoped I could figure out what I wanted. Distract myself even. Lorenzo looked down before back up.

"If that's what you think is best. I've always got your back, brother," he said.

His voice hung a level of sadness. I stood up from my desk and hugged Lorenzo for a moment.

"I'll see you later. You know me. I'll come out there to see you again," Lorenzo said.

I nodded. Lorenzo left without another word. I could tell he was shocked, but I couldn't drag him down with me either. If I ended up self destructing, at least I wouldn't pull him down any further than I already did. He would take care of me forever if I let him. Even if it felt like I was running away with my tail tucked between my legs, I tried not to think about it.

My spirit was broken, and maybe my motherland would help heal me and stop dwelling. I was powerless. I couldn't do anything to move on. My grief was so large that I doubt there was anything left of me. The hole in my heart was so large that I was unsure how my heart continued to beat, maybe out of spite. It didn't matter. Flying to my hometown, Tropea, was what I felt I needed. I felt called their. I had not been there in over 2 decades. I had to leave everything behind. All I would take would be a small carry-on, her necklace and her hankerchief made out of her wedding dress. It's all I would need. Everyone is this mansion had been dismissed, and it would be sold eventually. Tomorrow I'll start all over.
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