Orange Juice

Grapes, Grains and Juniper Fucking Berries

TW - This chapter has some heavy themes... please approach with caution.



For a pull-out, this bed is surprisingly comfortable. I casually tap the remote control for the brand-new TV I treated myself to just last week. Initially, I felt a pang of guilt for splurging on it, but the thought of spending countless lonely nights in this dimly lit basement would have driven me to the brink of insanity.

A smile creeps across my face at the sound of the unmistakable theme tune of Buffy The Vampire Slayer blares through the high-quality speakers, filling the room with its captivating melody.

And then, I hear it - the creak of the stairs...

Through the slats in the banister, Colby's face appears, peering down at me.

"Hey there, cutie. Does Grammy know you're awake?" I respond with a coy smile, enjoying the playful banter.

Shaking her head, Colby slowly descends the stairs, explaining, "I was just getting some water from the kitchen when I heard Buffy playing."

A surge of pride fills my chest. It seems that my refined taste in television shows has rubbed off on her.

Pointing to the TV, I give her a proud grin, "Do you like this?" I ask.

Her little head nods with enthusiasm as she skips towards the bed and sits on the edge. I find myself reminiscing about the late 90s - the hair, the fashion, the men. It seems like everything from that era is making a comeback. The pastel coordinating sets and the grungy wide-legged jeans are back in style. If only I were the size I was in 1999.

Colby and I watch two episodes back to back in comfortable silence. Slowly, she moves from the edge of the bed to the space beside me. "Sissa, can I ask you something?" she asks.

With a quirked brow; I counter, "Only if I can ask you something after."

She nods, somewhat enthusiastically,, "What was Uncle Lev like? Grammy never talks about him."

Fuck. That question feels like a dagger in the chest. It's not that she doesn't think about Levi; she just doesn't like to talk about him out loud. No one does. After the accident, that's when I lost control of myself. Levi's death was the catalyst.

I steady myself, taking a deep breath. It's time to be honest with Colby.
"Uncle Levi was an asshole," I say bluntly in a light tone, "but he was my asshole, mine and Andy's."

This statement catches her attention. "Uncle Andy?" she asks, intrigued.

I swallow hard, preparing myself to share more. "Yes, the three of us were inseparable. Despite Levi's ferocious attempts to push me away, I clung onto them like glue and followed them everywhere."

Colby balances her chin on her fists and rolls onto her front, kicking up her legs. As I speak, a wave of nostalgia washes over me, like watching an old home movie of myself.

"Levi was a towering football player, a real goon. And he had a great sense of humour, always making me laugh." I roll my eyes, my lips parting into an achingly wide smile, "He made everyone laugh," It's hard to talk about him like this. The shame, the blame. It's always there but sometimes for a minute i forget to carry the shame and forget to feel the blame. It's easy to only remember Levi for his death, that's what my parents have done.

I brush away the tear that rolls down my cheek and smile down at Colby, her eyes sparkling with knowledge of her almost forgotten uncle.

"He was undeniably handsome, and he knew it. All the girls would swoon over him, which used to infuriate me. They would pretend to be my friend just to get close to him. It used to drive me crazy." I swallow, not knowing what else to say, "He would have loved being your uncle."