Love Beneath Lies (Part 2) ✓

199

--------

Hi, Lexi.

I wanted to call you Phoebe or Tam in this letter but I don't think I deserve to call you that. It holds too many memories of the past.

To be honest, as I write this letter, wala akong specific topic na sasabihin. I just let my hands say what my mind have been meaning to say to you. I have no ways of contacting you right now kasi alam kong blocked ako sa lahat and that's okay. I also know na hindi guaranteed na makakarating tong letter sayo and if it did, may possibility na itapon mo to as soon as you see it. Baka at this point, hindi mo na siya binabasa. But still, it wouldn't hurt to try.

I know I'm two years late, Lexi. Going three na, actually. And I've decided to stop being a coward and say what I should've said long ago.

I'm sorry.

Gusto ko sana sabihin to in person but I know my mere presence bothers you. Maddens you, even. Pero gusto kong malaman mong lahat ng sinabi ko sayo noon, pinagsisihan ko. Pinagsisihan kong hindi ko sinabi sayo yung totoo. Pinagsisihan kong iwanan ka kahit sinasabi ng puso ko na wag kang iwan. I should've listened to my heart back then. Kasi alam kong maiintindihan mo. You're one of the most understanding person I know pero nagtago ako sa takot at hiya na naging kumot ko nung panahong yun. Kaso sa kabila ng pagtago ko, nasaktan kita.

I'm sorry for breaking your trust. I'm sorry that the shattered pieces of what was left of me at that time also wounded you. A wound that I know will take a long time to heal. You confessed to me during our blind date that it hurts you still. I should've handled the situation correctly but I chose the wrong decision.

I feel ashamed of wishing it went okay for you when I left you hanging. At some point, naisip kong sana hindi ganun nakaapekto yung pag-iwan ko sayo. And I was mad wrong for wishing that. Pumasok ako sa buhay mo at umalis ng walang maayos na paalam. I made you reciprocate the love I gave you yet I left, of course it would leave you hurting.

I'm truly sorry, Lexi. I know my regrets would mean nothing now pero hindi ako mapapagod sabihin yan. Hindi rin ako mapapagod humingi sayo ng tawad. Even if it takes a lifetime. Because I know it will take time to earn your trust again. I also know you may seem confused about why I want to enter your life again. Bakit ngayon lang? Bakit ngayon lang ako nagkaroon ng lakas? Seeing you cry on that blind date made me realize something.

I don't want to be a coward anymore. I can't have you hurting because of me again. Kung para sayo, gagawin ko lahat.

Totoo yung sinabi ko sa harap ni Tito Romano. Ikaw parin ang gusto ko. At ikaw lang ang gugustuhin ko. Sa loob ng dalawang taon, walang nagbago sa pagmamahal ko sayo.

Mahal na mahal na mahal parin kita, Lexi.

So this is me, knocking on the doors of your heart.

Asking you for forgiveness.

Asking you to take me back.

Asking you to let me love you again.

Kasi ikaw lang, Lexi.

Sa pagpatak ng alas-dose.

Sa simula't huli.

Ikaw lang.

Niko

--------